If you remember our last article on the Bad China Day you will recall that in addition to the BCD, there is also TIC. This is a phrase that I have heard widely with foreigners in China and therefore, I have no idea who to credit for this ingenious phrase. TIC stands for "This is China.” This is the phrase you use when no other rational explanation can be found from a Western standpoint. The only condolence your confused Western head has is that you are in China, and normal logic in a given situation need not apply to you, Sir or Madam Laowai. If you can start the sentence with the words, "You would think... (dot.dot.dot), then this is the appropriate expression to use! TIC is normal, for you are here in China! Because this is different from anything we knew before and were used to, we must just accept that sometimes we are out of our mental and physical capacity to understand. Why? This is China.

Photo: po go re lo va

TIC. This usually happens at random moments, and sometimes is largely incorporated into the BCD - Bad China Day. Sometimes these occurrences cause frustration and other times they are simply baffling but do not warrant anger.

Sometimes they occur where there are rules everywhere that can’t be bent because there exists an inflexible procedure; sometimes we want to go around the rules if it makes more sense another way. Let’s start with the bank. Let’s say you walk into the bank in the middle of the afternoon to put money on your electricity card. This is the same bank you use to pay your electricity every single month. There are no other customers there and so you walk up to one of the three available people at the counter to pay your electricity only before barely being tackled by a nicely dressed woman who insists that you pick a number. You are a bit taken aback and look around to confirm that you are, indeed, the only customer there so you don’t really see the point of taking the number but walk over to the machine and get your number-1204. You stand there blinking and annoyed as the numbers above the tellers change. 6451, 6452. No one comes. 1202,1203. Nothing.1204-Finally, your number is called and you go up to the desk. You understand full well that order in the bank necessitates a number but seeing as how you are the only one that seemed a bit pointless. You walk up to the lady and tell her that you would like to add money to your card only to be told that you can’t. You ask a series of questions and can only confirm that no, today you can’t do it at that bank; you must walk down the street to the post office to pay. TIC.

Photo: dpade1337

A friend of mine crashed his motorbike in Thailand and needed me to wire 600 RMB to him so I elected to use my lunch hour to go to the Western Union in the China Post Office. I pulled out my 600 RMB and told the lady the routing number of the Western Union in Bangkok. She told me that they didn’t take RMB, only US Dollars. I was confused.

''But can’t you change the money into Dollars when you wire it by using the exchange rate?'' I inquired.

''No,” she said, "You must change the money first.''

''Fine, where can I change it?'' I asked.

I was told that the only place around here that would change RMB to US Dollars was Bank of China, which was not nearby.

I pondered a moment, "Wait! I have my US Visa Bank Card! Can I use that to wire the money? That way the money coming out of the account is directly in US Dollars.”

"No, they must be actual US Dollars in order to wire it,” she said flatly.

"But you are not wiring actual paper money, it’s a wire transfer! Why can’t you take it off the card and wire it? You are Western Union!”

I finally gave up. TIC.

Usually at Chinese restaurants in small towns you will find it virtually impossible to find cold beer unless you ask them to put it in the meat fridge for you and you plan on hanging out for a few hours. On several occasions, we went to some restaurants and asked for several beers.

We were asked, "Do you want cold beer or warm beer?”

We replied excitedly at the prospect of actual cold beer in the middle of December, "Yes! Bring 3 please!”

"We don’t have cold beer here,” was her reply.

We thought out loud to ourselves, "Interesting. But, if you don’t have any cold beer then why did you ask if we wanted it cold?”

I turned and looked around, "But what about that beer that is in the refrigerator over there?”

"No, it’s not plugged in,” she replied coyly as if that was the dumbest thing she had ever heard.

I couldn’t think of anything to say. ”Not plugged in? Of course. Why would it be? Right…warm beer would be fine.” TIC

Photo: lanuiop

One weekend trip while hanging out in beautiful Suzhou for a few days a few of us who were living in small Chinese cities at the time were craving some Western Food. We walked past what appeared to be an Irish pub, usually a safe bet worldwide when it comes to a hearty meal and good beer selection. We went in the bar to inspect and to check out the menu.

"Burgers!” my friend squealed.

"Hey, do you also have cheese? Can you make a cheeseburger?” I asked.

"Oh yes, of course you can order a cheeseburger here!” the lady beamed.

So we ordered one cheeseburger and one hamburger and went to sit down. What seemed like an eternity later she joyfully skipped over and put the plate before me. I leaned over and looked. What lay before me was a toasted hamburger bun with a large piece of lettuce and a piece of American wrapper cheese. It looked very thin. I picked up the top bun and peered over the "burger.” As I suspected, there was a slightly wet, yet crispy piece of iceberg lettuce and a square piece of cheese.

I looked up at her blankly and asked innocently," Um. Where is the hamburger?" (Remember TIC: Things are not always what they seem. This is China; they could be bringing it separately for all I know).

"You order cheeseburger,” she chirps.

Blink, blink…."Yes, so where is the cheeseburger?"

She gestures towards the toasted bun. "That’s cheeseburger," she says.

"But, where is the meat?" I challenged, wrinkling my brow.

"You mean the beef?" she asks, totally confused.

Now I was puzzled beyond words. "Yes! Where’s the beef?" I asked, with memories of that 80s commercial in my head. Now I was fully expecting her to suddenly chant, "It’s in your teeth!”

She put her hands on her hips, "OH! You want a beef cheeseburger, why you not say?"

I choked a little. "Yes! A beef cheeseburger!" (?!?!!!)

"Ah OK! I ask them make the beef cheeseburger for you!" and she ran to the kitchen and brought back a barely masticable piece of steak to put in the bun. TIC.

Admittedly, sometimes the strangest of situations are truly hilarious because at times we really don’t understand the thinking that is behind the action. After awhile the stranger things seem more commonplace and you wonder why certain things seemed odd to you when you first got here. I’m sure there are 5 million strange things about any of our countries; it’s the nature of living in a different country. There are always going to be customs or situations that you just can’t understand. There have been many questioned asked about the US for which I honestly have no rational answer-I can only reply, "I have no idea, that's just the way it is.” So when in China, remember when you can start the sentence with "You would think that…” remember, TIC.

 

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