When you travel around China staying in hostels, you meet all sorts of people who you would never come across in your normal life. The hostel brings you together into one Chinese ''circumstance'' where you are willingly and yet forced to stay in the same space. However, you share a bar at the hostel. The results are always spectacular, to say the least, when you combine people of all different cultures, languages, religions, viewpoints and ages into one room with alcohol. And yes, sometimes this leads to drinks in the face over the topic of panda sex.

Photo: Ajda Gregor?i?

My last trip to Chengdu brings back memories of a somewhat alcohol induced verbal scuffle between several different people at the hostel. Usually the kind of people who travel around in China are fairly open minded and have learned through experience that it’s sometimes necessary to hold your tongue, especially in topics pertaining to religion, politics, and near extinct animals. The following is a recount of one of the weirdest arguments I have yet heard.

Chengdu, Sichuan Province, is known for its famous and internationally treasured pandas. People come from all over the world and wake up early in the morning to beat the crowds and catch the pandas eating bamboo. They pay hundreds of dollars to hold a baby panda, while they go through rolls of film and hundreds of digital photos. Lastly, they spend all their money on panda stuffed animals that will not fit in their luggage. Naturally, back at the hostel, people are posting their pictures of the day and discussing their journeys. It’s really easy to meet people because you can just approach a long table filled with people drinking beer and get in on the conversation.

At this table was a group of three Italian guys who were sitting with two on one side of the long table and one on the other. They were all a bit drunk and had made a circle comprised of their large Tsingtao bottles on the wooden table. Next to one of the Italians were a Canadian girl and her friend who sat across from her. Sitting with them were an Irishman and an Aussie who they had just met (this sounds like the beginning of a joke but I swear it’s not).

So, the two Canadian girls were discussing the pandas that they had seen that morning and talking with the Irishman and the Aussie, who had just arrived from Chongqing and planned to go the next day. They were asking about the easiest way to go and if was necessary to take a tour bus or simply a taxi, how much, etc. The Italian guy was listening in a bit, and finally chimes in, and the dialogue goes something like this:

Drunken Italian guy with one elbow on table takes a swig of beer:

''Just take a taxi! Why you need a tour? You need to be there thirty minutes; you take the picture (hand gesture with palm up) you go. That's it!''

Photo: BDegan

Canadian girl 1 repositions herself, blinks twice at him, wondering why he has entered himself into the conversation:

''What do you mean 30 min? We came all this way, what’s the point of coming all the way to Sichuan for half an hour?''

... (Back and forth bickering ensues)…

Italian guy picks the label on the beer bottle, peels it off and sticks it over one of the bolts on the wooden table and takes another swig. He pauses, then says decisively in a thick accent:

''Yeh but really, if you think about it, they are doing so much to help an animal who doesn’t even know to help itself. I mean- we are talking about an animal that refuses to have sex to save itself, I mean- come on!''

... (Back and forth bickering ensues)…

Canadian girl 2 with knitted brow flicks hair:

''...But… they are almost extinct! You don't think it’s good that they are trying to keep the species alive, there are so many species that went extinct because no one gave a sh*t what happened to them. It’s because of tourists that they are even f&@king alive in the first place.”

Italian guy, hand in chopping motion with raised eyebrows flicks his head quickly up in an Italian affirmation and open mouth:

''Eh! Yes, but this is exactly what I am telling to you; by themselves they will die without the people, so how can you feel sorry for them? How can you help a species who when you make them pregnant and they have a baby, they will not even take care of it! They refuse to have sex! I mean- come on!

... (Back and forth bickering continues)…

Photo: permanently scatterbrained

Drunken Italian winces back, repositioning his head and mutters thickly:

''Meh! The pandas are of no use to this world! What do they do? In serious? A horse, you see, can be ridden. A cow has milk or leather. But a panda? Unless I can eat it like a steak I don’t see the point!''

Canadian girl 1 and 2 look at each other, mouths gaping and heads shaking…

Others had now dropped whatever they were doing as a result of the loud voices and were fully tuned in. The bartender even stopped drying the goblet he appeared to be polishing with a stained old towel. He stood there, looking over the people who had decided the argument was much more interesting than anything they were discussing and turned away from the bar to see the spectacle.

Canadian girl 1 blinks repeatedly and says:

''It’s because of assh@les like you that there are animals go extinct. You are so worried about your own pathetic lives and you don’t see the big picture!''

Drunken Italian guy is taken aback by her assumption that his life is pathetic and squints his eyes, verbally taking aim, ready for the kill:

''You-You-You-You hippy girls are all the same! You live in the world of imagination and not in the nature! If you had a respect for the nature than you would accept that like Darwin says of the species that only the strong of the animals will live. Maybe it is you that should worry more about trying to get yourself laid instead of always worrying if the panda is doing it or not!''

That did it.

Canadian girl 1 grabs her drink and launches what’s left of it along with the remaining ice into the face of the drunk Italian.

He swings his left over the side of the bench and jumps up, cursing her while wiping the alcohol out of his eyes, all the while yelling obscenities.

Canadian girls 1 and 2 both grab their purses from the top of the wooden table, swing their legs over the side of the bench, and chuckle to themselves as they trot off.

And there we sat, not saying a word, eyebrows raised. The only thing we could do was shrug and take another sip of beer. I guess the moral of the story is to adhere to the few simple rules when talking to people you don’t know. As a general rule when traveling around the world, but especially in China, avoid the topics of politics, religion, and panda sex.

***

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