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Yellow Fever: Why Western Guys Date Chinese Girls
Sep 18, 2009By Susie Gordon, www.eChinacities.comIt was a warm night. I was sitting with a friend on the terrace of a bar in town, enjoying the balmy evening air, listening to soft jazz, and sipping beers. All was good. Until my friend raised her eyebrows in the direction of the table beside us. A portly western chap of advancing years was balancing a nymph-like Chinese girl on his lap, and they were kissing lavishly. Their arms and hands seemed to be everywhere, and she was giggling like a pre-teen. (If my better judgement hadn’t prevailed, I would have guessed she was a pre-teen.) My friend and I glanced around uncomfortably, wondering if anyone else was witnessing this display. Everyone was. At one point, a collective gasp rose, as the girl was seen to lick the eyeballs of her corpulent swain.
Photo: peruisay
My friend and I looked at each other in horror. Then she sniffed in disdain.
"As if he’d get anyone as cute as her back home."
"Or as young," I added.
"So typical."
And it is. The sight of a mature laowai with a nubile young Chinese girl on his arm is as common in Shanghai as Haibao. And it’s not just the older chaps that are at it – most of my younger male friends have, at some stage, taken up with local girls. There’s even a saying in Mandarin along the lines of "an old bull eating green grass" (老牛吃嫩草) which describes the situation exquisitely.
So what attracts western men to Chinese girls? Asking around, I’ve discovered that the reasons are as manifold as the couples. One guy told me, quite perceptively, that the Chinese female is the epitome of femininity – petite, smooth skin, almond eyes, lithe limbs, sweet demeanour. Another friend waggled his eyebrows lasciviously and uttered a phrase that makes my skin crawl – "yellow fever". My American neighbour said that having a Chinese girlfriend was great for his Mandarin, and she cooks amazing Hunan beef. How mercenary! But I guess we all choose our partners for reasons that benefit us in one way or another. My friend Jack told me that he enjoys flings with Chinese girls because he doesn’t want to get into a long relationship with a western girl that might prove serious, since he is leaving Shanghai at the end of the year. According to him, Chinese girls are more accepting of one night stands and brief affairs.
Photo: xingnawei
And likewise, Chinese girls repay their western suitors with equal enthusiasm. Is it the allure of foreign paychecks that swell their partners’ wallets? Is it the promise of marriage one day, and a one-way plane ticket to Europe or the States? Is it the more worldly outlooks that foreign guys are supposed to have?
Perhaps it’s because western guys are perceived as being more faithful than their Chinese counterparts (although this, of course, is highly debatable). Chinese guys have a reputation for juggling multiple women. My French boyfriend presented me with a bouquet of roses on Valentine’s Day this year in which each flower was individually wrapped. Was this an example of the typically Chinese way of using twelve sheets of plastic where one (or none) would suffice, I wondered? No, my boyfriend told me. In his opinion, the flowers were thus wrapped so Chinese men could give an individual flower to each of their many girlfriends.
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I am an American who saught my Chinese wife for reasons other than your article mentions. The western woman wants posession, or what we call "keeping up with the Jones's", wealth, and fame/notoriety. Most western women have lost the value of family and love between husband and wife and put their own personal wants/needs above the family and for me it makes western women very unattractive. I saught my Chinese wife because after an extensive search, knowing I no longer had the commonality with western women, of other countries and cultures and realized the Chinese culture was more inline with my feelings of family and what it means to me. I married my wife after corrosponding over the internet after 5 months of daily letters and have not had one regret. I'm 42 and she's about to turn 40. Both of us have had failed marriages, our children are nearing adult ages and we both know what can go wrong in relationships and what is required to raise proper children. The cultural differences are so great that we have to be more mindful of each others feelings and views. Even when a couple speak the same language, they do not communicate, so in this respect of our differences, we learn much more about each other and listen more closely to what is said. My wife does not care if we live in the states or China since we're happy together and that's all that matters is that the family is together, healthy and happy. Thank you for reading my comments.
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Love and marriage doesn't come easy for any cultures, but to say that Westerners are just trying to "keep up with the Jone's", then you have missed a lot in life. I am an ex-Pat American married to a Brit. We don't harp on material possesions, and guess what, we own our home and car, and are educated, but beyond anything, we communciate, respect each other, and are "in love". Have you looked around Hong Kong, for an example of how Chinese women (and men) shop in NAME BRAND HIGH END Western stores? Queues outside LV and Chanel any day in Kowloon. Please, get off your high horse to think that only Western women are bling-bling and material driven girls. Open your eyes. Or, is your love blind?
Happy in the UK!
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I agree with the author on most points. In my case i was married for thirty years to a American woman who bore me two wonderfull children. Them she devorced me, It was the luckiest day of my life. Before I married my Chinese wife I never really knew what true happiness meant. My Chinese wife is everything a man could want. she is independant and always in a good mood. She is very intelegent and helps me avoid mistakes in almost everything we do in our life together. She is so beautiful that I find myself staring at her all the time and wondering how I could be so fortunate to be with her. Every day we tell each other "I love you" Its not just words, we mean it. We demonstrate to each other in words and deeds every day how we love each other. I ca say without any doubt that Chinese woman are the most beautiful and desireble of all woman. Its not just physicle beauty, its whats inside that makes the differance. With that kind of love and caring a man can accomplish anything.
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hahaha!
'a woman who bore me two children'
"She's fertile..... get ready to plant the seed!"
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Ed
Like you I think western women and many men have lost the family values, I have been speaking and seeing a Chinese Lady she is so perfect. She has a son he is 13 and we get along great, but you need to let the Chinese lady's know, All Americans are not rich, they have this in their mind we are all Bill Gates, but there love is family the mother lives with the Chinese lady if she has no husband. They are a great culture, put the USA and China together and we would go back to the sixties when family was family, not what car you drove or the clothes you wore. So I hope to be married soon
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I have found TOTALLY the opposite to be true. You obviously never had a girlfriend from Shanghai Ed.
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I agree with you Nikki. The perception that chinese women are loyal and not materialistic is not true. I am glad that they are still people like you who are happy with the person they love despite their origin. I think when you are in love with someone it has nothing to do with where the person comes from. Not all westerners are into keeping with the Jones and most Chinese women I know love Westerners more for benefits than anything else.
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I just think you havent tasted the black women thats why you think Chinese Woman are the best. Maybe give it a try, you will never go back. !! Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Once she divorces you like the first one you will be happy to try Africans. They are the most beautiful women and you can enjoy them too.
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I was going to respond to the article but instead I must simply say Ed...I'm an African American male...and extremely old fashioned...which most think is bad these days..I think not. My wife is also Chinese and I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU WROTE. A little off topic, but this is also why many (successful/educated) african american males dont marry african american women...the've all lost their roots (AFRICA). American women fail to remember that no matter how advanced we are as a society...MAN must be MAN and WOMAN must be Woman...and I mean that in everyway its implied! GOOD JOB ED!
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Amazing, My name is Jerry also and my married experience is almost identical to Jerry's. I totally agree with him regarding Chinese woman, I was also married to an American girl for 30 years and was unhappy for a long, long time. because of not believing in devorce and my children I could not devorce. Lucky for me she initiated devorce. Shortly after that I met and married my wonderfull Chinese wife. Not a day go.s by that she does not make me happy. Always in a good mood and happy. Any man will be fortunate to meet and marry a Chinese girl.
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Ed, I have to agree with you 100%. I met my wife in march of 2008. The experience of learning about your newly met friend is so much more realistic with a person who does not speak the language. Me and my wife spent our first 12 days speaking with the help of my now, brother-in-law and an electronic translator. you can learn more in a shorter period of time because as you said, you pay attention better and listen to what is being said and not only hearing noise. I agree with your comment on want western women want,' money cars possessions", the Jones's disease. My wife feels the same, if we live in China or the US it doesn't matter, as long as we are together. I send her money so she doesn't have to need for things, and I have to threaten to tell her big sister if she doesn't buy the things she needs to give her a better life. I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but I make enough for her to have a good life. I agree with the family value side of the chinese culture as well, western women "Its all about me". In china it is more about family values and the family members than about possessions. I thought maybe i was the only one who had these thoughts and feelings. I'M NOT ALONE !!!!
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african / black women havent lost our roots its immpossible we are constantly reminded everyday whenb we look in the mirror my brother it is you black men , theat have left your sister behinde and let them down and gone with other women get it straight ! for the record . not that beauty cant be found anywhere regardless of race.
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The beginning of this article happens A LOT with people I know. This whole dating theory is complete making madarin girl looked down upon as a group by many foreigners. I've talked to my friends who'd been in China and seen this happen, and they can not be more disgusted and neither can I. PLEASE HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT, for the love of God and for there are more chinese girls out there who care about their names more than having it ruined this way!!!!!
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Chinese girl more accecpting of one night stand? YELLOW FEVER??? Can this be getting any more degrading?
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Anyone who thinks the average Chinese girl is more open to one night stands knows nothing about Chinese women. Most require long courtship before even having sex with a boyfriend they love.
Of course marriage is more a "practicality" for Easterners. Romantic love is largely a Western invention, mostly derived from European writers from the "Age of Romanticism". That this is somehow a "deeper" form of love is pure cultural bias. Many Western philosophers saw Romanticism as a form of decadence.
My Chinese wife will stick with me through good times and bad - forever. Good luck finding that in the West.
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There are plenty of Chinese women who will have a very brief courtship and have sex with a man they think is going to marry them. For them, the sex that night is really something of the act of entering into marriage itself. The Ian Halperin's of the world know this and are happy to play along. Maybe with 3 at the same time.
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Juice,
Agree 100%. I want to add to your point, foreigners often times misinterpret their Chinese girlfriends questions about a future together as being someone who is digging for gold. I think the difference in culture is that the "finance conversation" happens before she sleeps with you in China. Whereas, in the West, you may not have the "finance conversation" until after you are married. Folks, she's not digging for gold, she's deciding whether to take the next step in the relationship with you by sleeping with you!
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Sorry guys, one more opinion.
Your Chinese girlfriend is asking herself the question, "If I sleep with him, then will he be able to support my children?" This is not a golddigger. This is a woman with family values and a sense for doing the right thing. Actually, this is something we have totally abandoned in the West. I think it is because of the invention of birth control. Think about that one! They don't use the pill in China, so really it is left up to the man. When you take away this power from women, they are going to naturally think, "am I ready to risk having kids with this man?" So, if she is poking around your wallet, she's not digging for gold, she's just trying to answer those questions.
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Your comment made me do this:
"Eugh."
I guess you think women should have bound feet too, so that they can't stray from their husband???
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Ha! Bound feet. If it is anyone that has bound feet in this world today it is American men who are constantly having to fight on two fronts. The standard in the West is one, "to be a man! Quit being a whiny emotional creature. Suck it up. Cowboy up!" Yet, we are constantly met with the contradicting expectation of being "more sensitive." This tug and pull in two different directions has plagued Western men, and perhaps men everywhere. We are constantly faced with this dueling of personalities. I'm expected to be the backbone, the support, the rock, the solid foundation, the anchor. Yet, I am also suppose to bend to emotions and be more sensitive. I like that my girlfriend has toned down the sensitive half. It is ok for me to be a man in China. She likes that I am a rock, I make decisions, I can handle difficult situations without crying. It is quite refreshing actually. Thank you my love! As far as bound feet go, I don't think anyone is suggesting this. You made me laugh though.
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WHAT?!? We don't use birth control here in China?? It's less than 1 USD over the counter and boatloads of my Chinese friends are on it....its even advertised on the subways. Compare that to my home in Oklahoma where a prescription is required and most doctors refuse to prescribe it.
Please learn your facts before you contribute
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Yes, of course they don't use the pill because they use the dispositive and the innocent men don't even know.
I will say able to support the all family.
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The age of romanticism created a bunch of women who never got married because they were looking for "the one" and didn't settle. Research also says people who believe in romance in movies are generally less happier in real life marriages. Chinese are practical even when it comes to giving gifts.
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