Photo: Banalities

Whether you like to try and make it home once a year, or once every five years (hey, I don’t judge), there are certain things for which you should brace yourself. The first time I took my yearly visit back to the US, I was taken aback by an old coworker’s “joke” of, “Hey, you don’t have slanty eyes! Looks like they haven’t turned you quite yet!” All I could think was, ‘Wow.’ Well, that and ‘What an a*#hole.’

I was completely prepared to answer questions about my China experience, and I was certainly barraged with them. But there was definitely one question above all others that I got asked most frequently. Was it about the breathtaking experience of seeing the Great Wall? The new culture I was experiencing? The exotic locales I had visited? Oh no. No, everyone just wanted to know if I had eaten dog. Really? I’m living in a country with one of the oldest known histories in the developed world and you want to know if I’ve eaten dog? Call me crazy, but there seemed to be a slight disappointment in most people’s eyes when I told them “No.”

While people’s questions are to be expected, I experienced on my most recent visit home that mysterious phenomenon that I had only half believed even existed – reverse culture shock.

That’s right, folks – three days into my visit home I realized I had basically forgotten how to interact with others in a way that didn’t involve throwing elbows or reaching across the table. I came to this realization while in a department store the day after my fiancé and I landed back in the States. A woman slightly bumped in to me as I was standing in the aisle. Now, I’m from the South, where if we know how to do anything, it’s how to be polite. But my reaction? I just stiffened and kept perusing the shelves. It was only after the woman turned to me with the utmost apologies – “Honey, I am so sorry!” – that I realized I hadn’t even managed to mutter an “Excuse me.” I had become so used to being bumped by, and bumping into people in Shanghai that I hadn’t thought twice about it. My mother would be so ashamed!

It also took a few days (OK, maybe a week) to get used to having personal space again. The first time I was able to walk two full blocks without having a single person pass me, I was actually a bit creeped out. Where was the noise? Where were the people rushing past me, elbowing me to get on the subway? All I saw were occasional families eating ice cream and couples riding bicycles. On what alternate planet had I landed? I also actually had to get used to fresh air again. I feel fairly certain I came close to hyperventilating a few times because of all the deep breathing I did.

Driving was another experience to which I had to re-accustom myself. After being surrounded by Chinese traffic day in and day out for so long, I had forgotten that traffic laws, well, actually mean something in the US. My first instinct when a car in front of me was going too slow? Go around them, and double solid yellow lines be damned! I quickly curbed those driving instincts when I realized I didn’t really feel like getting my license revoked while on my brief hiatus home.

So next time you make that long journey home, don’t be confused if you suddenly don’t remember what “waiting in line” is or what “driving without laying on your horn” means. Just realize that you have truly become a China expat.

And remember your manners.
 

Related Links
Can You Ever Go Home Again?
Culture Shock: Rules and Tools
Leaving China and the Challenges of Returning "Home"

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