The following blog article was written by Su Qin and published on a popular Chinese site ifeng.com. Once extremely rare – you had to ask your work unit for permission to separate from your spouse – divorce is becoming increasingly common in China and the percentage of marriages that end in divorce is starting to approach those in the west. According to Su Qin, while divorce is becoming more common, the number of couples that threaten divorce – acting out a divorce drama but never actually splitting up – is actually much higher.

All married couples must have thrown out angry words about divorce at least once or twice at some point in their marriage. This is especially true for women, who throw about statements like, “I want a divorce,” as if it were some everyday utterance like, “I'm hungry,” without giving it any real thought.

Should the husband do something that his wife doesn't see eye-to-eye on, it's assumed that the wife will threaten " I want a divorce!"

Should the wife find out that the husband has partied the night away with another woman in his arms, she'll most definitely shout, “Divorce! I absolutely want a divorce!”

Of course, when taking into consideration that vulgar cliché about how barking dogs don't actually bite, we know how words are just words. And those women that shout about divorce the loudest will most probably not take action to back up their words.

In China, divorce isn't just a legal procedure where you sign legal documents to sever bonds; it is a long and drawn-out war for all parties involved – all to no avail. Most couples that have been at each other's throats will cool down and come to their sense over time; and the estranged couple will somehow come around and carry on their married life as it had been before, with nothing amiss.

The men will often feel “played with” and question their wives afterwards, “You're the one that wanted desperately to divorce, but then it is also you who fought the hardest when it came time for divorce.  What the hell do you want?”

The woman almost always respond slyly, “I don't intend on letting you go about your ways freely.  If you make life miserable for me, then expect me to do the same for you! Keep that in mind!”

With the passing of time, the woman will have voiced the above comments in the calmest manner.
Men know that when women talk about divorce, they're not actually talking about divorce for real.

Divorce has a whole line of unspoken meanings when it is voiced by Chinese women; just not what it’s supposed to mean: “Better confess to your sins,” “Time to make amends,” “You’d better cut off all connections with that other woman,” etc.

Unfortunately, most men don't understand that about women when they're threatening divorce.  For the men, divorce brings to mind matters of shared property and money, child custody and support, and how to break the news about it to their lovers.

Men almost always think in straight lines, and women almost always think in curves. Thus, men and women will never fully understand each other, even after having spent almost all of their lives together in the most intimate of legal relationships – marriage.

Men, women, each have their own patterns, trains of thoughts, and unique tricks when it comes to handling their relationships. This can bring the real marriage and true partnerships – just like two kung fu masters of equal skill facing each other in battle. So it’s no wonder that for many Chinese couples, quarrelling, fighting and other “divorce acting” is commonplace throughout their whole marriage, but yet they never part. Should such two unique characters make a match, then comes the real marriage, where divorcing acts are commonplace 'till death do us part.

Of course they wouldn't divorce each other for real – just as the kung fu masters value an equal and honorable enemy too much to kill them. Opposites attract, remember? 

Source: ifeng.com

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