"Married couples who love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking". - Chinese Proverb

The blushing young bride is a surgeon who works the night shift at the local hospital. Her strikingly handsome groom is also a doctor and surgeon.at the same hospital. It is quite evident that they are deeply in love. The young professionals join hands as they enter the grand banquet hall together. Cue the music, start the cameras, light the fireworks and let the wedding festivities commence. As they cross the threshold, the bride looked quite elegant in her gorgeous chantilly lace strapless one-piece red wedding gown with a chiffon overlay and pearl beading on the fully-boned bodice with a lace up back and flowing train. Yes, you read that right- red wedding gown. Bright red. Welcome to your first Chinese wedding in Mainland China- where ancient Chinese customs and modern Western ways collide for endlessly fascinating results.

This is my fourth year working and living in Mainland China and my very first traditional Chinese wedding. The wedding reception was held at a ballroom attached to the "Overseas Chinese Hotel"- a fitting location since the young Chinese doctor spent a year of her medical training overseas in the United States. Actually, the bride began the wedding in a white wedding dress and later switched to a red wedding gown. When I think of red and white together with heart-shaped balloons.....the first thing that comes to mind is Valentine's Day, not wedding bells and exchanging vows. Perhaps the young bride and groom have brought an additional skill set to bring to today's ceremony: "Doctors of Love". Maybe the lovey-dovey doctors are also skilled at matchmaking, melding and mending affairs of the heart....all with "surgical precision", of course.

Bridal gown costume changes were just one of the many cultural differences I was to experience on this day of matrimonial bliss in the Middle Kingdom. It started to dawn on me that this displaced American and laowai (foreigner in China) was in over his head. For one, all of the guests dressed in a "relaxed casual" manner. Tuxedos, top hats and tails? Out of the question! As the only guest wearing a proper suit and conservative tie among 500 guests- I felt like a secret service agent who had showed up at a college frat party. It is quite possible that I was at the right wedding but the wrong room- one banquet hall was specifically for guests and one banquet hall was specifically for "V.I.P's". My tailor-made suit might have fit in a little better in the adjoining VIP room with all the other "suits".

This wedding featured a red lace wedding dress and a red rubber arch. (Red rubber arch?) Interestingly enough - a rather large rubber inflatable red arch stood above the entrance of the wedding banquet hall. Perched midway on the left side of the red arch is a chicken. The imposing figure on the right side of the red arch is a dragon. At the apex is a symbol，the Chinese character and pictogram for "double happiness". The chicken, dragon and double happiness symbol signify good luck and good health for the bride and groom and their families.

Prior to my arrival in the Middle Kingdom almost four years ago, the only arch I was familiar with was the towering steel structure on the banks of the Mississippi River in the United States (and no, I'm not counting the Golden Arches of McDonald's). In the U.S., the St. Louis Arch is nicknamed "Gateway to the West" in remembrance of America's westward territorial expansion of the 1800's. While America has one solitary arch standing alone like a proud silver cowboy in the sunset, Mainland China features the ubiquitous arches adorning most every corner, doorway and building frame from Shanghai to Sichuan. In Mainland China the ever-present red arches could all very well be called the "Gateway to the East". Today's red arch is specially on display for matrimony. I guess the cheery red arch could be called the "Gateway to Eternal Happiness".

Arches in the Western Hemisphere tend to be permanent and historical structures made of steel, granite or concrete. The Arc de Triomphe in Paris, the Wellington Arch in London and the Soldier's and Sailors Arch in New York City are all towering tributes to fallen heroes on the battlefield - famous war memorials of Western civilization. But what about China's red arches? Maybe China's red ceremonial arches are meant to remind us of the old axiom: "Alls Fair in Love and War"- I hope not!

I wasn't sure what to make of my surroundings at the Chinese banquet hall. I just hoped to act appropriately by doing the right thing at the right time. Of course, my limited ability to communicate in Chinese did not help matters. With my exaggerated gestures and fumbling efforts at communicating, I often looked like a mime or Charlie Chaplin in a Chinese vaudeville act. Though I can read quite a few Chinese characters on a Chinese menu, they still look like an undecipherable Chinese eye chart to me. I am pretty good with a pair of chopsticks however......

I struggled to find a commonality between the Eastern and Western wedding. No priests, no rabbis, no church, no flower girl and no bridal party. (I sure didn't pick up a gift from a bridal registry at Macy's or Bloomingdales either.)And as I found out the hard way, even with the drinks flowing, mirrored disco balls going , slide shows, performing acts, singers and dance music blaring does NOT mean that there is going to be any dancing to follow. A table of on-lookers glared my way in shock and disgust as I swung a girl around and tried out a couple of dance moves. I made the decision to stop VERY suddenly, as the stares of 500 strangers burned into the back of my head I knew that this would be the longest 10 second dance in my life. I have read a couple of books on "Chinese Etiquette"- looks like I must have skipped a page somewhere. Days later, I thought maybe I could blame my behavior on bad feng shui. And then I wondered - did feng shui play a part in the ceremony at all? Did the wedding cake have to face east and did the grandparents have to face west?

All over China, from the blue-collar industrial city of Changchun in the North to the financial boomtown of Zhuhai in the South, I have noticed an interesting commercial phenomenon dependent on "the big day". For lack of a better term, I call it "bridal row", block after block of bridal shops lining the city streets. In the front of many of these shops an outdoor tent and canopy is set up with an outdoorsy feel, with faux grass and both real and artificial flowers. Staff photographers, salesgirls and a host of others are on hand with pictures of gowns, sample wedding photos and color swathes. Not being a native of the world's most populous country - it is hard for me to fathom the societal pressure that a young Chinese might feel and the setbacks one might have to overcome to get into the right college, find the right job and marry the right spouse all by the age of 25. At any age, the wedding behavior during and leading up to matrimonial bliss is quite conservative in China. I wouldn't expect to witness a scene similar to the Western movie "The Bachelor" in China, in which soon-to-be-wealthy bachelor Chris O'Donnell is chased down the street by hundreds of women in white wedding gowns everywhere he goes.....

The wedding I attended was in the Northern part of China in a medium sized city in Shandong Province. Tai'an is about one hour from Qufu, the hometown of Confucius. I expected a peaceful, virtuous and harmonious wedding steeped in Confucian values, and the ceremony did certainly not disappoint. Tai'an is also home to Mount Taishan, considered a sacred mountain by all Chinese, and is closely associated with sunrise, birth and renewal. Chinese across the country are encouraged to make the pilgrimage to this mountain that was once scaled by Confucius himself. For the Chinese people, the apex of this majestic mountain woud be an ideal venue for a wedding.

The traditional part of the Chinese ceremony is both elegant and formal. At the reception, a double happiness symbol was displayed behind the head table where the bridal couple sits. This is a special Chinese character wishing the newlyweds much happiness. Confucius once said "To be truly happy and contented, you must let go of what it means to be happy or content." Today was the day mom and dad "let go" of their little girl. The young couple executed a series of bows: bows to the heavens, bows to the grandparents, bows to the parents as the immediate family gave the newlyweds "lucky money" wrapped in red envelopes. Giving money to a newly married couple in China means good luck, both for you and for them. It is like a karma system in which good luck is spread around through giving money.

Money and wealth, however, will never usurp the two most important aspects of the Chinese culture - food and family. It all comes down to the same formula with has served China well for over 5,000 years: lots of food and lots of family. It took some time to ween myself off of Big Macs, KFC, meat and potatoes before trying Chinese food. There is a saying that those in the south of China will eat anything with 4 legs that is not a table and that may very well be true. This wedding was in the North so there was more conservative fare: rice, dumplings, pork, eggplant, beef, chicken and tofu. We all shared the dizzying array of delectable Chinese dishes as they rotated around the table via the lazy Susan. As the different dishes stop in front of your place setting, it is proper to take a small sample and put it on your own individual plate. It was all quite delicious. After the ceremony and dinner, the ever-pragmatic Chinese took home the unfinished portions of food. (Smart thinking in these dire economic times. Wasteful Americans, please take note....)

China, the oldest continuous civilization in the world, considers eating the "first happiness". Ni chifan le meiyou or "Have you eaten?" is often the first greeting between two Chinese- even before customary greetings and "hello". Though for the young couple it may have been the first day of the rest of their lives - the traditional customs of food, family and respect for one's elders are always of primary consideration to all Chinese during a wedding or any meal. The wedding party had left the building. My first Chinese wedding was officially over and I would have to say it was fun, interesting and quite educational. Last year's 2008 Chinese Olympic mantra of "One World = One Dream" translates locally in every corner of China as "One Marriage = One Happy Family".

Ernie's blog

Warning：The use of any news and articles published on eChinacities.com without written permission from eChinacities.com constitutes copyright infringement, and legal action can be taken.