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Lost in Face?
Jun 01, 2009By Andrea Hunt, www.eChinacities.comEtiquette in different cultures is important, and going to China bears with it a certain responsibility as a foreigner. On one hand, you could argue and say that as a foreigner you can get away with a lot of dysfunctions when it comes to cultural etiquette simply because you are clueless. Still, do not let your ignorance make you rude. Aside from mannerisms and customs in China that contrast exponentially from what we are used to, there are other things that are subtler. For example, you will notice as soon as your plane hits the ground in China that four people jump up, open the overhead bin, grab their suitcases and run to the front of the plane, a sign of hasty tactlessness. You might not, however, notice that the person has given you their business card with two hands instead of one with their name facing you, a sign of politeness.
Photo: Brian Lane Winfield Moore
There are always 80 billion ways to mess up cultural etiquette in travel, and China is no exception. One of the most important issues when going to China or living in China is the concept of "face." As Westerners, this is a novel idea that is hard to understand and at times downright baffling. Some argue that we have very similar notions of dignity, but the Chinese take it to a whole other plane that even after living in China many years, can be hard to grasp.
In China, as we have discussed in other articles, when you are in China long enough, you get used to humiliating yourself on a regular basis whether you are at the restaurant, riding a train, or having an allergic reaction. It’s pretty hard to be self conscious when you get used to being stared at, or blatantly having someone next to you covering their mouth to hide laughter while shamelessly pointing right at you. Not having any dignity in China carries with it some sense of peace, however. If you have no face- you can’t lose it. I think it must be unfathomable for Chinese people when foreigners do things that blatantly make them look like blundering idiots, and on purpose. For example, for us the idea of dressing up like pirates and renting a paddleboat is not stupid, humiliating, and a face-losing endeavor; it’s fun.
Let’s investigate the concept of face and try to dissect it: for starters, face is a concept of dignity and reputation and with it you gain or lose respect from others. You can lose face, save face, and give face. This concept is present in virtually everything so knowing basics is important.
Diu mianzi refers to losing face, when what you do has been exposed to other people, and therefore a loss of pride.
Gei mianzi- this refers to the idea of giving face by treating someone with respect.
Liu mianzi- this refers to avoiding mistakes.
Jiang mianzi- refers to face given to you by others.
There are immeasurable common circumstances where foreigners could easily get confused. One of the main ones involves simple "yes" and "no" questions. This outlines a stark difference, because many times for us, direct answers are the most obvious route. However, in China, a straight-"NO" can be considered rude. Therefore, someone will respond with a "round-about- yes" to avoid having you "lose face." Sometimes this can be frustrating for Westerners when all they seek is a straight answer. For example, the airline may say the flight is delayed and not canceled. Furthermore, sometimes we prefer the truth and to deal with it accordingly instead of having someone protect our "face."
In addition, many times in Western cultures, we will tactfully disagree and present a different point of view, whereas sometimes in China, silence is used instead to prevent causing someone else to lose face. Do not contradict someone outright or correct him or her in a group as this can also cause someone to lose face.
One of the biggest differences, I think, is that in Western societies, when one person makes an error, they are expected to own up to the mistake, apologize and then fix it. The mistake is usually not reflected on the rest of the group but instead, only on that individual. Contrastingly, in China, someone might not point out a mistake so as to avoid causing someone else’s loss of face and the person who erred will not admit the mistake to save his own. This is very delicate and so pointing out mistakes even if you have intentions of helping someone can cause loss of face whether you realize what you are doing or not.
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yes, face is important here in China,beause sometimes we feel that maybe it is not polite to point other's defect directly.but it is ok with friends,it is common we make fun of eachother here too especially between friends.
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I was taken for a " Beijing Duck" lunch by my friend on my first trip to china, my Skill with chopsticks was....ok, but obviously i probably need those training ones, anyway, my friend politely said nothing of my inept use of them,
A fter dropping something i made a comment as to her ability, she then quietly showed me " her " method, I improved .... a little.
A s it was my first time in china ( and yes i did do some reaserch) i was greatful for the face saving, and the quiet instruction.
going back this year.......more cities, more friends, more mistakes, i like the face saving, i know when i'm an idiot......mostly
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After 16 years in and out of China and being married to a Chinese lady I am not sure of how many ways there are to loose face. Your relationship to your family and close friends is completely different than your relationship to that of a stranger. I tend to be very careful how I speak and react to a Chinese person until I know them well enough to where they know that I will not intentionally hurt their feelings.
In cases were I was asked advice about applying to American Universities really had to know the person well before I felt I could tell him the truth.
I advised Chinese student and other foreign students at the University of Florida for thirty years and know that they are not always prepared to enter our American academic system. My own nephew from Trinidad was completely unprepared to enter a premed program because of a lack of laboratory experience in both physics and chemistry. As an adviser I often had recommend remedial English or special courses to fill their educational voids.
At the University I could do this. In China I had to be very careful, especially if other people were present.
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You know what? Screw face! Go balls out. Living here for several years now and who cares? You're a foreigner. If you do something weird, or something to lose face, they are still mesmerized by you being a foreigner. The Chinese may not have the same quality of education as the western world, but they aren't flat out retarded. Really, despite all the TV shows and streaming videos of western culture, the Chinese are still learning about western culture. You can virtually be as vulgar as you want and just blame it on culture difference. Trust me, they still will want to be your friend in hopes of using you as their personal English trainer who works for free. Again, they're not retarded, just curious. They know you're different because you are different. China is not an up-tight society. The quicker you learn that it is ok to fart or belch around your co-workers the better. You can smell awful, you can pick your nose and wipe it on the seat next to you. They won't say anything. Actually, it probably won't phase them a bit. Just stay away from the three T's and your good. Tibet, Taiwan and Tiannamen. And really, you can talk about the three T's but at an appropriate time. Next time you're at work and you're feeling a little gassy, just let it fly. No one will flinch. A great way to break the ice, steal someones food while their eating. I'm serious, just walk up and start eating their food. Everyone else laughs their asses off and you come across not as an asshole but easy-going. Then let out a huge belch. You'll have 10 new friends by the end of the day.
Speak bluntly, they expect it. If you're wrong about something and they catch it. Just admit it. They find the honesty very refreshing. They know you're different, they are not sensitive people. Quite the opposite actually. You're a foreigner, so be one! Otherwise you will come across as up-tight and stuffy. "I don't want to offend anyone." Ha! My boss, in front of the whole company, pointed his finger at an employee and yells, "she's an ugly ghost!" Everyone starts laughing, and the poor woman is about to cry. Face? Blow it out your ass!
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I have been here for over 2 years and I agree 100% with Chaching. Manors are for the west, so just leave them in the west TIC. Watch and learn from the Chinese, then just do your own thing as to them you'll always just be a foreigner anyway!
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I wanted to add something. Compared to your Chinese equivalent, you are a wealth of knowledge and experience of the world far deeper than they could have imagined. Use it. I flat disagree with the article based solely on the fact that you are not Chinese. There is nothing written down that you must play by the Chinese rules. Use good old fashioned merit, explain the culture difference, expose the face to them, speak directly about face. They know face quite well. It will serve you to bring it to the front of the conversation. Tell your boss, "You didn't hire me because I'm Chinese, you hired me because I'm not Chinese. If you want me to be Chinese, then I'll sleep during lunch. I'll work 1/4 as hard. I'll play on QQ when you are not in the office. I won't give you the straight answer. I will give you an answer that is not really an answer. I will avoid giving you a committed point- of-view. No, that is not me. My main advantage to you, is that I will tell you the truth. I will admit fault. I will work harder than any other employee at this company. I promise to always speak directly to you. I promise that I will not be Chinese." You will shock him, but he will think about what you said. He will return with more respect for you. I am absolutely convinced that even if you have zero management experience, but you were educated in the west, then your ability to manage is still far greater than any Chinese middle manager out there. I was at lunch with one of our Chinese (clients)investors, I turned to him and said, "an investor that doesn't do his homework is like driving a car blind-folded. We can help you with the research and analysis so really you don't have to do anything." Then I proceeded to tell him that large international corporations are taking over China, the small businesses will not survive, and that he is directly competing with companies who have teams of lawyers, experienced marketing teams, the most efficient management styles, people who do their research and know about Chinese culture. I told him it is his money and we are here to protect his investments. Afterwards he said, thank you, you speak from the heart and you speak from an investors point-of-view. Then he told my boss to keep me working closely on his project. We signed the contract. I tried the gentle, lies on top of excuses approach. The Chinese get mad when a foreigner does it. If you speak the truth, you will shock, but you will also impress. You're not Chinese. You're different. My family has a common belief, "The heart responds to truth." No one can disagree with you when you speak the truth. Heck, even Chinese bosses get sick and tired of not being able to get a direct answer from their employees. "I asked you a yes or no question! The answer is either yes or no!" That is what they're screaming. The west is moving east. Chinese bosses are watching and learning.
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