With the sumer over and winter/fall season now upon us, the minds of many a fun/tradition loving Chinese naturally turns to one thing: Festivals, and while China's winter/fall festivals are many and varied - Ranging from from nationally celebrated festivals such as the Moon festival to the festivals of local regions and China's various ethnic groups - they all have one thing in common (Aside from smoking, drinking, and eating till you collapse), that is: Fireworks.

Fireworks?

Fireworks are as synonymous with China as firearms are with America, and are as important to China's culture as counterfeit goods are to its economy.

Chinese culture holds that they should be let off at most every occasion of note. From the somber to the celebratory in order to ward of ill airs and to bring good fortune. Tradition has it that fireworks accomplish this task by frightening away bad spirits whom apparently cannot stand the din. However, this is not the real reason. The real reason is that bad spirits aren't stupid: If you see a Chinese bearing down on you with a firework in one hand and a lit match in the other there is little better advice that you can take than to find something solid and to get behind it because, while fireworks are synonymous with China, common sense isn't.

During the 2007 New year period (Spring Festival) firecrackers alone caused over 380 fires, and resulted in around 800 emergency room visits, and that was just in Beijing.

Firework Safety?

Firework safety is almost non-existent in China. This is largely because most Chinese apply the following rules:

1) The phrase "Minimum safe distance" is a filthy foreign contrivance that has no place in modern Chinese society, as are the phrases "do not aim at face" and "not to taken used orally".

2) When the instructions say "Attach to launching stake and light with taper" what they really mean is "Hold in hand and light with a cigarette". While "Point away from spectators" and "fasten securely" means that you should do the exact opposite

3) That the word "Danger" means "Stand real close to get a good view" and "For Commercial use only" means "Let the kid light it".

Safety Tips?

With the above in mind, ACB has developed the following safety guide. A list of firework related hints and tips to ensure that weddings aren't followed by funerals, and that celebrations do not result in emasculations.

Tip 1) Do not hold fireworks in your hand.

                   

              

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Tip 2) Aim fireworks away from crowds.

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Tip 3) No matter how funny it may seem, fireworks and groins do not mix.

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