Living in China as a black woman comes with its own set of hurdles and oddities, but one of the biggest oddities I have found since I have lived here for the past three years is the lack of black female/Chinese male couples. I, being the female half of a Blasian couple, tend to find my eyes constantly searching the crowds for couples that have relationships similar to my own, only to find people staring back at me strangely. In China, these kinds of couples a rare find, even in the largest cities.
Many black women from all over the world contact me, often asking me if they will also have the chance to marry a Chinese man like I did if they move to China. However, more often than not I have to caution them that it’s not quite that easy here. Although China is filled with the mixed couplings of white men/Chinese women, Chinese men/white women and black men/Chinese women; when it come to black women/Chinese men (BW/CM), the sightings are sadly few and far between.
Why so rare?
Although in the States, BW/CM are becoming the new trend in relationships – thanks in part to movies like Romeo Must Die, TV shows like Flash Forward and celebrity couples like Sandra “Pepa” Denton and Tom Lo – China is still far behind the times when it comes to these specific relationships.
There are many reasons for this rarity in China. One comes from media stereotypes that portray black women as difficult to control, oversexed, much larger in size and not attractive due to skin colour and body shape. In return, Chinese men are portrayed as weak, shy men that would not be able satisfy a black woman sexually. In addition to the media stereotypes, there is the traditional thinking and underlying prejudices that still exist in China regarding race mixing and the notion that a Chinese man’s reputation and family must look good and be protected. Dating or marrying a black woman would not look good in front of others and cause negative attention towards his family. However, marrying or dating a white woman seems to raise their status among their peers and is even celebrated by many.
There is also the fact that there are not many black women in China. Historically, there have been very few black expats around the world and even fewer in China. However out of those few that have become expats abroad, less than half are women. This makes successful matchmaking between these two races nearly impossible.
When I asked several young men in my area what they thought about black women, many smiled widely and stated that they thought the singer Beyonce was sexy and that they would not mind a black woman if she was not too dark, but that overall they prefer white women. Others replied saying they would not marry a black woman but that they would want to try one for fun. The majority however, would not even consider the idea.
Chinese history does show that there were black female/Chinese male couples in the past. One example would be Eugene Chen, a lawyer who was once China's Foreign Minister. He married Agatha Ganteaume, who was a black French woman. They had four children from their marriage and were presumably very happy.
How do black women find love in China?
So what is a single black woman to do in China to find love? The best suggestions I can give is to be you. Prove the stereotypes wrong and get out there and talk to Chinese men and show them that black women can be intelligent, beautiful and respectful. Show them that black women are not only supportive but motivating, family-oriented and loving.
With so many single men in China searching for wives and a huge population of single black women around the globe, it would make so much sense for these two people to get together and become a powerful couple. Black females all over the world are realizing this and are waiting for their Chinese male counterparts to hop on the bandwagon.
Will we see more BW/CM couples in the future? I think it is fair to say that we will see more mixed race couples, but that this increase is linked to education and greater exposure of black women in Chinese culture. With the increased popularity of hip hop, break dancing and rap music, Chinese people are beginning to get greater exposure to black women. Young men who travel abroad to other countries will come back with a whole new view on interracial relationships and more and more black women will travel to China.
However, black women will need to understand what Chinese men require in a companion and Chinese men will need to open up to the idea that black women can be a viable option as wife. Both sides need to be educated on the qualities that they offer and be open to experience what can be an amazing and powerful relationship. Trust me, I am living proof…
Jo Gan, an African-American female expat living in China. Working as the director of foreign teachers and writer, she is married to a local Chinese man. Her hobbies are reading, writing, singing and enjoying life.
Related links
Black People in China: Do They Exist?
The Relationship Minefield: 4 Challenges for Multicultural Couples
Happy Endings in China Not Just for Men
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As a Black woman myself, I asked a lot of other black women and majority said the reason they don't like some of the Chinese men are because: 1. Some of these Chinese men spit a lot and make irritating noise in the throat 2. Some of the Chinese men are too slim and not muscular 3. Some of the men have offensive body odour (not all) 4. Some of them are not confident in their way of approaching some black women 5. Many of these men don't have hair on the legs and chest (hair in the right places on a man is very attractive to some black women) 6. Strangely, some of the Chinese men have too much hair in the penis area which breeds odd odour (super unattractive) 7. Some of them are too raw during sexting/flirting/foreplay sessions. When I asked what their preferences (in terms of Physical attraction/ sex appeal) are, a lot of the black women said they would go for a black man 1st, a white man 2nd and a few said they would choose a Chinese 3r. (if they are muscular NOT macho). Some of them said as much as they would want to try, the spitting aspect turns them off quickly including the funny noises they make in-between their teeth and tongue. WHY A WHITE MAN WOULD BE A 2nd choice 1. Some black woman said, many white men seem attractive but in the bedroom, they have too much foreskin at the tip of their penis which tend to hoard a lot of dirt and bad odour during oral sex. 2. Even when erected, the shaft is still soft and cannot hit the vagina walls enough to make these black women cum. (Not all) 3. Some of these white men are good at foreplays but do not observe what makes their black women excited. 4. Majority of these black women said that majority of white men are not circumcised. This is super strange for many of us black women especially African women because we are used to seeing circumcised penis. (We always girl-talk about this although these women don't show surprise faces during intercourse.) 5. Many of these white men are either over confident or lack confident in their approach to some black women (big turn off) 6. Some of these white men cum first or their erected penises unerect before their black women reach their estacy. 7. Some white men have bigger penises but do not wind or use it well enough. 8. Some of these white men ask silly questions and try to prove they are not racist (super turn off) Otherwise, many of these white guys would have been a first choice (only from physical attraction perspective) WHY BLACK MEN? 1. Most black men have the right confidence to approach many women (even if they aren't players) 2. Some of the black men are rude and yet subtle (some women said they wonder how these men struck the balance. It's a turn on) 3. Many of the black men study the woman and know what pleases some black women (supper turn on) 4. Many of the black men ensure their women cum first or they both cum together. 5. Some have little penises but can work with it to please their women 6. About 95% black males are all circumcised (this might be another reason for other ladies from other race wanting to try some black men) 7. Majority of these men keep the penis area very clean and shaved. Actually smells good, said some of the black women. 8. A lot of these men have hair on the legs and chest (like a man should) and shave their penis area (very sex appealing to some black women mmmm they moaned) 9. Some of the black men wash down after sex and put on a nice cologne before bed (a damn attraction) CAUTION: this is just based on physical attraction. Character-wise... it depends on every individual man. From the few black women i discussed this with, I can see why many of the black women are so PICKY because this, unlike the media portray. In addition, according to stats, there are a fewer black men and more black women. So already, some black women' preferred choice under this context aren't many and not because they are not chosen. It's ok to have people dislike black skinned. It's a choice but in the end, many black women also do like particular type of men, if they don't get such, they look elsewhere and may not compromise no matter what race. Even if they have to stay single.
Jul 26, 2017 10:07 Report Abuse
Nice article and interesting,
I will admit in modern times I have not seen an African woman with a Chinese guy... BUT...
1. When Chinese began immigrating many years ago to do labour work, majority were males and ended up marrying and having children with black women in the Caribbean etc.
2. Nowadays, I think many Chinese expats are heading to Africa to get their hands on the sources and I remember reading that Miss Kenya hooked up some wealthy Chinese entrepreneur.
Also read that money or wealth doesn't interfere:
"A Shandong migrant worker who married a wife in Africa and gave birth to a daughter. His African wife passing away from illness when the daughter was two-years-old and he raises his daughter alone planting vegetables in the suburbs of Nairobi being bother father and mother to her"
Jun 29, 2012 19:41 Report Abuse
This article is really interesting. People hating on others because of skin colour!! I wonder whether there is a single person here who chose where they wanted to be born, the colour of their skin, their mother, how rich their family should be, in which country etc Why are you taking pride on things you had no hand in giving yourself? We all found ourselves the way we are, and I think its the height of foolishness for anyone to either hate one for what they have or don't have, or take pride in what they have. i have only one thing to say to all the haters. Wake up!
May 22, 2012 07:58 Report Abuse
Tu,
You should call yourself "tru" because it sounds like "trou" in French,which means "hole".You yourself know the kind of "hole" you are.Before I address you further,I would want you to re-read the words of wisdom that David gave you above.What David meant is that Africa will always outlive rotten wounds like you.It has outlived colonialism,slavery;you name them.You want us to believe that Chinese men take women for toilets,yet you proudly proclaim to the world that your Mum is Han Chinese.You also say it's disgusting for you to imagine Chinese women with blacks,while at the same time showing that these Chinese women are only toilets to their male counterparts.It's incredible your Mum helplessly went for your Thai dad because Chinese men could not stand the smell of this toilet.Look Tru,you can twist your racism in what ever form,but rest assured that Africans are battle,war hardened people,and that you are a mostly diffident individual,who has never fought and won a war,and who is ready to commit suicide when he hasn't enough food to eat.It's a mistake on your part to even nurse the hope that your fratricidal war in Asia,especially between China and Japan can be transposed to Africa.Africa is a continent away,and has never been in any showdown with China.But it appears that since some people can have enough food now to eat,they erroneously think they can whip up xenophobia against other.Africans are not Japanese,nor are they Koreans.Any xenophonic outbursts that come about as a result of projecting some delusions of grandeur will be met with the right punch they deserve.I want to make it very clear that Africa has absolutely nothing to learn from people like you Tru.You fail to decry the fact that Chinese women were raped and refused compensation by Japanese,only to celebrate the fact that Chinese men only started sleeping with African women when Asia had been colonised by westerners.You now want to equate the sexual slavery that Chinese women suffered from the Japanese to imaginary and undocumented tryst between Chinese men and African women.You seem to be too omnisceint about petty ironies that have to do with skin colour.This is something that is bigger than you,and bigger than mankind.Racism will only make you bitter and vain,until the day your life comes to an end.You make yourself sound like the skinhead you are by saying Chinese men who arrived Africa slept with women and never took them for wives.How can I even imagine to sleep on the same bed with somebody I would not intertain to marry?You are indirectly saying that is what they also did to your mother,since they consider her a toilet,so she had to trudge over to Thailand for salvation. We know you people are territorial and confrontational,but I advise you not to choose the wrong enemy.You have never won neither a cold nor an open war against anyone.Stop mind games with the wrong people.After hundreds of years of slavery,colonialism,have you ever seen Africans committing suicide.Only people who are diffident,confrontational to hide their weaknesses commit suicide.Remember: If you don't change your ways,you will be served the punch you are looking for.Africa doesn't owe Japan,China,Korea,Thailand anything.
Apr 16, 2012 21:15 Report Abuse
...i always answer when am asked why am still single...the black guys go for white or Chinese ladies,the white guys go for white or Chinese ladies, the Chinese guys go for Chinese ladies and in some rare instances white ladies (other races of guys am not quite exposed to), but thats just the the plight of a black woman in Shanghai/China.
i think the article is great, i wish eligible Chinese would be notified about it because clearly we need each other..i personally would opt for an extremely open minded Chinese man, because i find some Chinese guys very hot if not a bit too timid. i agree 100% that a black woman could bring out the best in any men Chinese or otherwise, don't believe the stereotypes you see potrayed in the media about black people. One just has to come Africa to receive the hospitality of our different cultures, ironically in some aspects very similiar to Chinese culture although some Chinese, due to lack of exposure, tend to have a negative perception towards us people of color. i just wish the media moguls could use more black people in adverts/tv shows, because i really believe most Chinese people are not exposed to us on a positive light...such a pity though,such a damn shame!!
Feb 22, 2012 11:28 Report Abuse
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Dec 14, 2011 21:31 Report Abuse
hmm m Wat a mess, in the first place we black are proud of ourselves, we don't need these Chinese men we don't lack men,the last people we might consider is Chinese men
they are soo dirty,
don't even know how to take care of simple things like teeth, fresh breath, they spit any where in fact to see a proud black woman with a Chinese to me its hell!!!! i mean you only love a man you can kiss, how the hell can you have a man who is not circumcised!! yak!!!!
About LACK OF KNOWLEDGE ITS DERM TRUE, CHINESE 99.99999 LACK KNOWLEDGE, DON'T GROW WIND AND SAY YOU ARE LEADING THE WORLD NOW, PLEASE GIVE US A BREAK, WE ALL KNOW THAT SOME FEW PEOPLE BUILT THIS COUNTRY YOU SHOULD SAY A BIG THANKS TO YOUR TEN LEADERS IN CHINA, AND STOP THE BRAGGING OK, GO TO AFRICA AND SEE THE NUMBER OF CHINESE THERE LOOKING FOR GREENER PASTURES, DERM!! THEY ARE UNCOUNTABLE, AS LEAST YOU CAN COUNT US
Nov 17, 2011 12:09 Report Abuse
Africans can do terrible things just like any other race in the name of survival.& I'm not trying to justify any of those act as it is vitally wrong-But to my obseration they never look down or for that matter act racist against any other race.So why do people (Arabs, Europeans,& now Chinese of all people) always take advantage of their liberal nature and hospitality? They're always so welcoming to all sorts of other races on their continents YET they're NEVER really welcome anywhere-Where are these people suposedly meant to live on this earth?
Sep 23, 2011 04:41 Report Abuse
All people have the right to decide how they feel about another race. So let the Chinese decide if it come to their country and if you don’t like it... you know what you can do.... go home, cause now you in Asia and you forgot how bad your country is, so go back and live it again...Black is black... African or so called American black.... its just blacks that’s influenced by the silly Americans. Yea Chinese men don’t want black woman, i don’t blame them cause i had to do with black more than them. I don’t generalise but those blacks who is up in arms here, is the ones you must watch out for and who should go back to their roots and stay in the jungle... or.. has it become desert now???? This is a free world… so no one need to love another race
Apr 20, 2011 22:16 Report Abuse
Well, to bust through all the racist BS and half-baked social theory for a moment - ultimately it isn't a question of what others want or perceive to be appropriate, but rather what type you find attractive. If you are or aren't turned on by white girls (or a specific white girl) or by Chinese men (or a specific Chinese man), then good for you.
There will be some who object, of course - just as there are people who powerfully object to pretty much anything you will ever do or even think about. But ultimately, being free and fully human means at some point you just gotta say - eff it, I'm just going to do it anyway.
Which isn't to say that larger societal and cultural factors don't exist and aren't powerful. But this is after all 2011, an era where there are no laws preventing miscegenation, or where one needs the permission of a local lord to marry, or other ridiculous constructs. You have the freedom to marry whomever you want, and the freedom to move around your country - or even move to another country if desired.
So at the end of the day, whether you're only attracted to overweight bald men with one eye from different cultures or only attracted to people from your own group, then just go for it and ignore the plebs. Besides, you'll probably find that most intelligent people won't actually give a damn.
Apr 20, 2011 05:54 Report Abuse
My husband is Chinese and I am from Europe. It's years we stay together and no matter where we are people stare at us when we get out together, even if we don't hug, kiss nor walk hand in hand. People someway understand we are a couple.
Somebody would be happy to feel like a movie star； frankly speaking I don't enjoy it but I am learning to accept it.
I guess being black make things even more difficult just because it will be easier to be seen. I am short, my hair is black and people often think I am from Xinjiang because of my fluent Chinese and my clothes made in China!
I understand you, being observed like animals in a zoo can be frustrating. It's not that those people are bad, they just think it's strange. Just "JIA YOU加油!", there is nothing we can do... people need time to get used to news and China is full of people. That means it will probably take a long time but time will help.
And in the meanwhile, be proud of your choice if you are happy with him. You have been following your heart, you are brave enough to forget who is staring at you.
Apr 20, 2011 03:51 Report Abuse
@ Jo Gan I have to say that there is some truth in what Wong Wei says. Based on my experience of Beijing the only black people I saw and came into contact with were drug dealers. Now I say this because when walking on the street they would hustle me saying things like "want sum want sum want sum" or "aghit". I saw exchanges taking place in Kai bar and on sanlitun lu. I saw white people and Asians buying but never selling there was also an angry negro corner just by " white collar" where groups of black people would sit around fighting and yelling at each other...rather unsettling I must say. if this was my only experience of black people (which it is for many Asians) then what would you expect me to think? Naturally I would think that all blacks are drug dealers or involved in crime...In Beijing there are hardly any black people...what do you think Guangzhou residents are going to feel like? I would say the term the 'black plague" is not a particularly favourable one.
What you have to understand is that for people that don't know any blacks personally they have to rely on what they see in the news and what they imbibe from the media. And I'm sure you'll agree with me when I say the media does not portray blacks in a particularly flattering light.
So I don't think you should be shocked or dumbfounded when people display a negative view of blacks because media corporations are still largely controlled by white (jewish) males and this is essentially what shapes peoples attitudes. It's a sad story I know but I believe that is the present situation and I don't see Chinese people getting any friendlier towards blacks if the majority continue to engage in illegal and illicit activities.
Apr 27, 2011 08:49 Report Abuse
So what you are saying is that Black women personally bring it upon themselves to be portrayed in such a way that causes us to look bad to their Chinese male counterparts? Every Black woman (American or African) is not and cannot be the same. Every Black woman is not your stereotypical "hood, ghetto broad living off of government assistance, etc). We are our own individuals just like the Chinese are their own individuals.
As for the "brainwashing" that you claim we Black women are, I feel that you are wrong and out of line. I believe black is beautiful and I love my natural brown skin. I have never heard of it within our community but there is a possibility. You never know why it is done, so don't go saying that it is just for the black community. There are skin bleaching treatments throughout the world for ALL races.
We do not COPY your hair or any other race. If that person likes it, they can do what they feel with it. Every black woman does not have black hair and please keep that in mind. Hair (i.e. Weave/Extensions) are sold in various places, in various types, by various races and bought by various races. So trust me, I can't be just an ASIAN thing.
Dealing with your comment about getting first hand experience with negative stereotypes about black women from family and friends, that is only a few. That is their experience, not anyone else's. There are a lot of black women who do not fit or come close to the stereotypes that you have seen, witnessed and heard.
There is never just one race, one person or anyone for that matter that doesn't point a finger or plays the blame game. I feel that you are close-minded on this issue. No one is pointing fingers but I do respect your opinion.
Jun 04, 2011 12:59 Report Abuse
I laughed so hard at Jordan's rant i almost cried. Jordan, first off, slow down mate before you hurt yourself. Secondly, all these Chinese that believe that because they're no longer dirt poor means that they're suddenly on the very brink of being the mightiest military and economic force on the planet are watching too much cctv. Your country has a burgeoning economy, good work. There is honestly good solid reasons why the rest of the educated world does not consider your progress a threat.... you may want to explore those reasons.
Jul 07, 2011 18:20 Report Abuse
tu,what a pitiable woman you are! I'm a han chinese girl.From you,I deeply realize the extreme of self-abasement is self-arrogance.I have to admire your imagination and your ridiculous self-important .To be honest,thailand from my impression is just one country full of prostitutes and ladyboys.And Siam is just a country of dependency of chinese empire.And能教出你这么个女儿，你mother和father也真是极品
Oct 20, 2012 03:33 Report Abuse
you think you are cool and know all the facts , but you dont, as a matter of fact you just being a jerk here and play as a internet bully. a little bit truth do not make you right in everything. maybe you are the one who needs re-education. And about the massacre part, let me tell u that is only because we chinese have big hearts and deal with things in a right way ,not like you ,the so called thai nobles (as a matter of fact you make me laugh ,the only reason you people can last so long is that in ancient times you thais bowed and kneeled to our country ,go home and read your history books),like to deal with civilization in a brutal and barbaric manner which is massacre, otherwise, as the war potential we have ,as skilled we are , we can kick your dirty ass as we want. massacres? ridiculous, if you want one , maybe your weak country could have one in the future
Jul 08, 2015 09:18 Report Abuse
malicious insult to all Chinese people with distorted facts; intentionally incite hatred among people from neighboring countries.
Jul 08, 2015 11:08 Report Abuse
Got some news for you Tu, Thailand has better looking Ladyboy than the real women there. The reason that Japanese soldiers never took Thais as comfort women is that the women are butt ugly.
Apr 17, 2012 07:21 Report Abuse
holly molly! who is this Tu girl? wwooooaaaah! Never read so much hate and ignorance all at once and from a single person. I am a Latina living in the lovely city of Beijing. I think black women are gorgeous, and I would gladly go for an African American any time. Africans intimidate me, because I've never met one, and I am afraid I could "lose face" for not knowing enough from their countries. Having said that, if I had the opportunity to have an African friend/boyfriend then so be it. I don't see the problem with the skin, I think it's quite sexy. Like Musa, I've had the opportunity to travel and meet people from other countries, and it all comes down to :there are good people and bad people everywhere.
I'm glad I've never run into someone like Tu, even tho I have faced racism here. And before Tu goes on a rant about Latinas (but I doubt she even knows where we come from), I got white skin and dark hair. And this is perhaps the only time I have really cared about. The people around me are just as educated, accepting and curious about other nations as I am. Someone should really tell you that WW is over... it must be very hard to have so much hate inside you.
You really stink, and you're losing this battle. It's full of people (Westerns and Chinese, as in PEOPLE) here with a very different world view, where you obviously don't fit in. The internet is a big big place, I'm sure if you try and search hard enough you will find a place to express your hatred. Not here, you don't belong.
Dumb girl 55555
Jul 04, 2012 09:15 Report Abuse
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