There appear to co-exist within the Chinese two very separate and distinct spheres of human interaction. The inner circle includes family members and close friends (often called 'shushu (uncle)' or 'ayi (aunt)' although they are not blood relations), for whom they'd do almost anything. To a lesser extent, this circle could be expanded to include others to whom respect must be shown: teachers, govt officials and others in positions of authority. The outer circle includes just about everybody else. If there's a layer in between, it could be for classmates and casual work acquaintances.

The disparity with which an individual treats inner and outer circle can be alarming. The same office worker who shows humility and deference on the job could leave work and immediately get into a shouting match with a passing bicyclist who dirties his cuff. To a large degree, those outside one's inner circle don't really exist in any meaningful way, and therefore there's no need to show them any courtesy. And yet, it's very important to save face ('gei mianzi' [gay myenzi]) even in public, so that if that bicyclist shouts at our office worker, s/he feels compelled to shout back.

The standard justification in China for the almost total lack of public manners is 'The population is too large, too many people...' While it does make sense that there are huge numbers of people competing for a relatively small number of positions in good schools, jobs etc, it's not a convincing argument for expaining why people push their way onto a subway or elevator before letting passengers off. Public courtesy is not generally instilled in the home by parents. Instead, a 'me first' mentality was espoused. 'I want that last bus seat!' (and will dash headlong into the street without looking in order to get on).

But wait a minute. If people in the outer circle don't exist, why, for example, are most Chinese girls still embarrassed to show public affections for their boyfriends?Any thoughtful observances of Chinese culture are bound to turn up many seeming contradictions. There's an ongoing internal dialogue between the old Confucian ethics of how one should behave, and the rapidly modernizing current reality of Chinese life.

As for our non-existent outer circle, while the passersby on the street observing the argument between our office worker and bicyclist have no stock in the dispute at all, they still feel perfectly free to vocalize their opinions about who was in the wrong. Nothing like a good shouting match for an afternoon's entertainment... But don't they have anything else to do?

Matthew Bloomfield, aka The Rapping Professor is a Canadian-born, US-raised multi-faceted 'enter-trainer', experienced multilingual cross-cultural trainer, MC/Event Host and commercial voice talent. He learned Mandarin in the late 80's at Cornell and Beijing University, where he was the roommate of the famous 'DaShan', and has worked in Chinese language and cultural circles for the past 20 years. www.rappingprofessor.com

Related links:
Cultural Differences: Can American Workers Compete?
Cross Cultural Communication in China – Yes, No, and Maybe
Can Foreigners Ever Understand China?

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Keywords: cross cultural tips