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Ame Desu

Most likely if you are well off, then you can make friends here in Shanghai. If you are just an ordinary foreigner, they wont give a damn. I noticed this. Chinese people here hang out with white rich people and some Asian non Chinese fellow are discarded, worst discriminated. I don't really find them warm and accommodating. Dont save face, just face it.

Jan 21, 2011 23:09 Report Abuse


Global Survivor

Absolutely right. me and my wife is a nitto marriage and we think all same about them. Even other nijin coming to China they immediately change because of their nature of business. But to make friends with a nijin (maybe because of language) is far easier than a chinese.
I agree that Chinese are tough guys..But I really wouldn't like to be a Chinese after all thinking all my life I have to create only utilitarian relation with the community to survive. They cannot express themselves unless they are really free / rich.. That's sad.

Jan 23, 2011 20:33 Report Abuse



i have to say u really got the point. However it makes u easy to understand why our chinese are more business sensitive than other nations, it's because china is moving so fast which pushes us to fit ourselves into the society as close as possible otherwise u ll find out urself far behind the queue. It is nothing to be blamed of being utilitarian, utilitarian can mean anything including seeking accompanying. Even if u can offer that to a chinese u ll find out its easy to make a chinese friend. I am saying this on a chinese perspective. Hope u enjoy ur stay in shanghai!

Mar 29, 2012 07:47 Report Abuse



Hi, I think Chinese people are accomodative and always ready to assist, especially a foriegner. But one thing I came to observe is that Chinese boys and girls are very shy. Very few of them are courageous to engage a foriegner in a conversation, and you know to a person new to China language barrier is a big problem.

Jan 21, 2011 18:31 Report Abuse



As a Chinese-American first arriving in China, i tried numerous times to engage a conversation with foreigners that i came across. But without failure, they looked at me like i am an alien. So now i have learned my lessons and ignored them.

Jan 21, 2011 23:40 Report Abuse


Global Survivor

I think it's because they also have their lessons by the time.
A chinese will always stay Chinese and will not make any friend with a foreigner. Because most Chinese think about foreigners as "bearded barbarians","ignorant tweets","money sacks" or so on. They don't care about having a friendship with a foreigner. Unless you don't have enough money to make BIG business. If you are a poor ordinary man who wants to have some friends because you go mad of being lonely in China will teach you your place.

Jan 23, 2011 20:27 Report Abuse



I can somewhat understand you. As I am currently living in Tonghua, Jilin province and possibly being one of maybe 5 western persons in a city of 500.000, the first time I saw another western person I felt like wanting to say hello just as if I knew the guy just cause we were both western looking (the guy was however probably east-russian but anyway...) It was like one of those moments when you see a fellow commuter in the grocery store, it feels like you know the person, since you see them every day, but you have never even said hello to each other... However I did not engage the guy thinking that he would just think I was strange.

Otherwise I think the bad experiences people talk about here might be more frequent in the bigger cities, and I would guess any big city in the world infact. I have not noticed this here at least.

Jan 24, 2011 18:23 Report Abuse


Silent Observer

I would make friends with you. gimmie your e-mail

Jan 27, 2011 19:32 Report Abuse



Actually what you say is only one segment, you can say all the chinese is the same, different people have different charateristic, not only in China,but also all over the world, so learn more and know about Chinese, I would like to make friend with you, if your like also,please e-mail me. I live in shenzhen

Jan 30, 2011 22:48 Report Abuse


Naz Fatima

I like chinese people.China are great country and i hope chinese people are also great.i love to friendship any chinese if any one interested plz e-mail me.I want to know about chinese history and culture pls if u have any information abt this pls pls pls send me.Thanks GOD BLESS U ALL

May 15, 2010 09:04 Report Abuse



i'd like to make friends with you. and you will know that chinese people are very friendly, and they will try their best to maintain the friendship.

Mar 21, 2011 08:45 Report Abuse



yes! i think i am the one who you want!

Jun 15, 2011 05:15 Report Abuse



well i am new in China and have to live there for long time due to my business commitments , if you can guide me about culture , learn chinese language ,how to make friends , do,s and dont s

Jul 15, 2011 16:28 Report Abuse



I am Choice from China and I hope that we will be good friends.

Aug 01, 2011 03:30 Report Abuse



salam,r u muslim ?ur name likes muslim's.i am chinese muslim

Mar 27, 2012 02:47 Report Abuse



i need to look for friendsin china

Feb 12, 2010 04:36 Report Abuse


different culture

foreigners make friend depends on their interest. Chiense dont. between chinese, friends come from classmate, working place, business friends. unlike foreigner make causal friends. between chiense, friends are kind of the extension of family, emotion reactivity. not something like meeting someone like barber, dropout.... It is very strange you make a friend with the dropout as a freigner. acutally if you dont met an unlitirian chinese , want to learn english or something. usually sooner or later you get bored with each other. As a chiense, I have never think it is unlitirian. Chinese communication each other by doing that to build trust and deep, long run relationship. while not like western casual acquaintanceship! your freindship cannot resonatory in emotion way. At least, I feel your relationship is so superficial and meaningless. We need deep emotion bond. what's more, chinese dont sex with the opposite friends. it is so stupid!

Feb 02, 2010 03:05 Report Abuse



The Chinese must have really interesting conversations after the first 15 minutes. Once they've talked about business and work there will be nothing to talk about if they have no common interests. I've taught in Chinese schools and the students that hang out together have common interests such as basketball, football or music, otherwise they wouldn't talk to each other.

Feb 11, 2011 05:55 Report Abuse



Making Chinese friends is the EASIEST thing ever.... there should no thought even put into it if you're a guy. Here's what you do..... it might come as a shock........ but here's the deal.... go play basketball. Yeah. That's right, go at the same time everyday at the same park, since it's mostly the same people always playing pick-up games. Now, this is a GREAT way to meet all different kinds of Chinese folks. Most importantly, just "normal" Chinese guys. Not the "I-want-to-make-foreign-friends-to-learn-English-and-teach-them-about-China" type of Chinese guys. Not saying those guys are bad or's just....after a while........those people are the only ones you know. Now if you go play'll meet the high-school dropout....the boss of some company....the barber....the guy who sells fruit down the stairs....the guy who has crazy-ass anime get the idea.....

Jan 30, 2010 04:40 Report Abuse



right on!

I met so many I-want-to-make-foreign-friends-cause-my English-is-so-poor- so- I -can-learn-English-I can teach-you about-China- sick types.

I never had a real and friendship w them, never ; they dissapeared when I dissapeared. They had no interest in becoming your friend wahtsoever.
I was always looking for honest and real friendly citizens.

Some got so long as to my resting place in order to achieve their goals...

Jan 21, 2011 23:15 Report Abuse



Almost everybody that you came across in China have a motive. Either they want you to do something for them or they want something from you. Foreigners included.

Jan 21, 2011 23:44 Report Abuse



One thing I have seen is that the Chinese are very quick to form utilitarian relationships. This is one reason why they are so good at business.

If you can build a real relationship, it will be rock solid. These take time and effort to establish, but they will be lifelong. Unless you are Chinese it is difficult to do this as many Chinese see expats as transient.
However, the basketball player has cracked the nut, so to speak.

I can think of two tier one cities where everybody is so busy making a buck, many people don't have the time to waste on 'frivolous' relationships. And as we are seen as transient, watch out.

I lived in Shanghai for my first 4 years here, and developed serious trust issues. After that I lived in a tier 3 city, and now a tier 2 city. The culture is very different and I am getting a lot of help getting established.

Real Chinese friendship is hard to establish. But once it is established, it is 'a rock that doesn't roll'.

Jan 22, 2011 03:48 Report Abuse


mr nabil


Jan 28, 2011 05:24 Report Abuse



I totally agree with your last sentence . No matter which country people come from, there always exist some folks who put their heart in the relationship with their foreign friends with no such I-want-to-improve-my-speaking motivation. Just be hopeful for a coming friendship.

Apr 10, 2012 23:17 Report Abuse


John Rockefeller

Great advice, thanks so much for this!

Jan 27, 2010 14:44 Report Abuse