Many foreigners spend months, if not years, in China without ever making any close Chinese friends. Others have many. We asked you: what are the biggest obstacles to friendships or relationships between foreigners and Chinese? Is it language, culture, personality, income, education? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below.

What are the biggest obstacles to friendships or relationships between foreigners and Chinese?  

Photo: YKZ

Perspectives seeks to promote dialogue and cross-cultural understanding by featuring Chinese and foreign responses to a single question. Email us to be added to our weekly question mailing list or to suggest questions of your own and feel free to add your perspective in the comments section below.

Humor and world politics. Sarcasm plays a big part of most of the sentences and/or phrases my mind puts together. I consider myself a funny guy, but jokes here just fall flat, it’s very disconcerting. Many Chinese people seem to have little to no knowledge about the world outside China unless it's some world encompassing event (economic crisis, Obama elected) and sometimes they don't even know about things happening in China. It’s hard to have a conversation. I can only talk about the NBA and Prison Break so much.
J / US

Chinese want to learn about foreign countries but foreigners aren’t very interested in China. They want Chinese to talk about the things they like and care about and don’t seem interested in learning about Chinese life and the lives of their friends. Foreigners often want Chinese friends that are compatible with their thinking and aren’t willing to compromise. Maybe they see their culture as superior and Chinese culture not worth accepting.
W / China

Cultural differences. Uncommunicated cultural differences. There are many cultural assumptions we make – that we are not aware of – that we don't even know we should teach others about. This makes business and daily life really challenging.
R / US

Most foreigners make more money than Chinese do and so many things foreigners do the Chinese cannot afford to go with them. But the Chinese are too polite to say it’s too expensive, so they just say they are busy or don’t want to go.
M / China

It is more about personality, not much to do with whether someone is a foreigner or Chinese.
X / China

I would say that there will always be obstacles in relationship between two cultures as long as those cultures are very different. In China, not only is the cultural gap big but it also often tainted with nationalist eyes. But above all, I would say that lack of honesty and trust are two big obstacles between foreigners and Chinese. The former because they are used to speak out what's on their mind and the latter because they don't or can't. As for me, I decided not to cope with people, both Chinese and Westerners, who can't speak out what's on their mind and who build their relationships only for business reasons or money. The relationship becomes poisonous from the start.
F

It has a great deal to do with compatible interests. Do you make friends easily back home or do you have a smaller group of friends because your interests are maybe a little more esoteric? If you’re an artist you should hang out around the art schools, the students and teachers there may be more compatible with your interests than the language students. That said, I find making friends with Chinese men (I’m a dude myself) very difficult for some reason. Especially if they’re around the same age – I’m not even sure why. Also, I tend to be more closed off now to random encounters I used to be after I got tired of meeting people, giving them my phone number and having them call or text me 20,000 times in a row.
L / US

The biggest obstacle is the language barrier. But different approaches to dealing with problems or speaking your mind is also a big obstacle. I think it's true that Westerners are more direct at least in many situations.
H / UK

Depth.  Heck, I'm "friends" with the guy at the clothing store ("Since you are my friend, I will give you good deal!"), but I have very few friends who don't mind talking about marriage, frustrations, or the sort. Depth is built with time, and due to the fact that most foreigners only stay for one year – or they just hang out with mostly foreigners – it's rare, I believe, to find a truly meaningful foreigner/Chinese same-sex relationship.
J / US
 

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