It was a warm night. I was sitting with a friend on the terrace of a bar in town, enjoying the balmy evening air, listening to soft jazz, and sipping beers. All was good. Until my friend raised her eyebrows in the direction of the table beside us. A portly western chap of advancing years was balancing a nymph-like Chinese girl on his lap, and they were kissing lavishly. Their arms and hands seemed to be everywhere, and she was giggling like a pre-teen. (If my better judgement hadn’t prevailed, I would have guessed she was a pre-teen.) My friend and I glanced around uncomfortably, wondering if anyone else was witnessing this display. Everyone was. At one point, a collective gasp rose, as the girl was seen to lick the eyeballs of her corpulent swain.
My friend and I looked at each other in horror. Then she sniffed in disdain.
"As if he’d get anyone as cute as her back home."
"Or as young," I added.
And it is. The sight of a mature laowai with a nubile young Chinese girl on his arm is as common in Shanghai as Haibao. And it’s not just the older chaps that are at it – most of my younger male friends have, at some stage, taken up with local girls. There’s even a saying in Mandarin along the lines of "an old bull eating green grass" (老牛吃嫩草) which describes the situation exquisitely.
So what attracts western men to Chinese girls? Asking around, I’ve discovered that the reasons are as manifold as the couples. One guy told me, quite perceptively, that the Chinese female is the epitome of femininity – petite, smooth skin, almond eyes, lithe limbs, sweet demeanour. Another friend waggled his eyebrows lasciviously and uttered a phrase that makes my skin crawl – "yellow fever". My American neighbour said that having a Chinese girlfriend was great for his Mandarin, and she cooks amazing Hunan beef. How mercenary! But I guess we all choose our partners for reasons that benefit us in one way or another. My friend Jack told me that he enjoys flings with Chinese girls because he doesn’t want to get into a long relationship with a western girl that might prove serious, since he is leaving Shanghai at the end of the year. According to him, Chinese girls are more accepting of one night stands and brief affairs.
And likewise, Chinese girls repay their western suitors with equal enthusiasm. Is it the allure of foreign paychecks that swell their partners’ wallets? Is it the promise of marriage one day, and a one-way plane ticket to Europe or the States? Is it the more worldly outlooks that foreign guys are supposed to have?
Perhaps it’s because western guys are perceived as being more faithful than their Chinese counterparts (although this, of course, is highly debatable). Chinese guys have a reputation for juggling multiple women. My French boyfriend presented me with a bouquet of roses on Valentine’s Day this year in which each flower was individually wrapped. Was this an example of the typically Chinese way of using twelve sheets of plastic where one (or none) would suffice, I wondered? No, my boyfriend told me. In his opinion, the flowers were thus wrapped so Chinese men could give an individual flower to each of their many girlfriends.
Photo: Jacob Montrasio
Indeed, it’s the parent factor that scuppers many an interracial relationship. My friend Rob was happy with his Shanghainese girlfriend of two years, 24-year-old Summer, until her parents started to put pressure on him to make an honest woman of their only child. "I just wasn’t ready," Rob explains, "I loved Summer, but I wasn’t going to marry her, so her parents did everything in their power to turn her against me." Sadly, they were successful, and Summer ended things with Rob.
It’s easy to generalise about western guys’ reasons for dating Chinese girls. Whether it’s to boost their egos, to improve their Mandarin, or simply to have fun, as long as it’s consensual, it isn’t really anyone else’s business to judge.
What's Your Opinion on International Marriages?
Is it Alright to Engage in Extramarital Sex? – China Media Survey
How Do You Judge One-Night Stands? – China Media Survey
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So guys as i have experience and my foreigner Friends have experience, to Marty a chinese girl means become a slave. Their culture is too Deep in money and you Will be only her Wallet. If you stay in Cina you Will become her slave and you Will live in slavery without anything money freedom and human dignità you Will Lost everything. So girls and cows from our country is a rules. Chinese gilrs is good only for make sex if you are not married or maybe also not. The Power in china is in the hands of women and the only things they care is money so think about before to get marrie d with a chinese woman.
Jul 09, 2018 11:51 Report Abuse
If I may add my two cents into the debate. Just would like to say that I'm married to a beautiful Dalianese lady. She's a little older then I am but that doesn't pose and problems at all. It is very true that Chinese woman, particularly the older, more traditional ones are fiercly loyal to their husbands. That is, unless you cheat on them then you are in trouble. I would like to add that my Chinese wife takes good care of me, like it's her duty. But on the downside, she can be a little possessive and clingy. Sometimes a little too much so...
Sep 22, 2016 13:08 Report Abuse
I am a single white male, of marriage age. I am traditional in values. I am totally impartial to chinese/asian women vs western women really. I, like almost all men globally, are of course attracted to fit, thin, petite, cute, young women of any age and not to overweight women. To me the inside is much more important than the outside, but there is not much of any lure with merely a good inside and a super-size 10 outside. Fat, lazy, unhealthy and non-equally-giving is not my idea of a happy marriage. My head is usually on a swivel of attraction in asia, and a general feeling of homesick wanting to see attractive women, when in the west. It seems asian women commonly have a desire to be beautiful "for their man" this is clearly devoid in the west. However, many white women struck my eyes when I was in asia. I then feared that being with an asian woman, I would regret it later and think my white women are more beautiful. I was then on the beach in the west where many 16,18,under 22 yr old events were taking place. Many fit petite young girls that would be the wow shape and many were. Eventually a mid to late 20's non-competing chinese girl walked by. White skin, soft curves, smooth skin and complexion, cute look, loving eyes and expression, something about her shape and demeanor that is quintessentially chinese. wow. The thought in my mind that I would not be happy down the road in my head is now gone.
I think I have really become impressed with the "traditional country Chinese girl". I'm a family type, the doting loving husband type. I'm not old, well under 40, but am too old for a young Christian western woman, as they marry early and have family young knowing the true value of love. And we all know in the west, girls don't date above 4 yrs older unless they have big bucks, so at my age, I'm the stand-in pick up the pieces dad to all the kids previous. I'm not interested in that after giving it a shot a few times. There is a chance of course but I don't have faith in it. I do have faith in the extra lure for Chinese women of a global thinker, and In the fact many Chinese women up to age 30 have had only one or a couple boyfriends and still, many holding out for marriage. Long work schedules also have kept many waiting.
I fear the money thing though, not with Chinese women, but any woman, women are the same everywhere, they are all vying for money attraction, then love a distant 3rd, this is for any country, especially in the west. Thank God men are not frauds like women, judging women by money first, or there would be no continuation of the human race. The west is also devoid of the no sex before marriage culture that the country Chinese women have. I would wait, I'm already waiting. I am impartial, but I have lost faith in western women outside of church to have the same hearts that country Chinese have. Western women are just not about love, really in any fashion I have found. They want men to GIVE love to THEM but they are not reciprocating. I think the "What? someone will give back?" thing is a big allure for western men. I think the hearts of Chinese traditional women are how love is supposed to be, equally giving, and giving in every way. Chinese women give like this in their 30s and 40s and 50s, where western women have this mentality until maybe about age 19 at best, then it all becomes about them only and what they can get.
I think Chinese men bashing white guys as not able to get white women is very immature. Maybe white men don't want western women anymore because western women are so screwed up and selfish and unloving from the sleaze US culture that we don't want them, we prefer your traditional beautiful family values country girls instead. I could have plenty of your average fat or thin screwed up white girls. I'll pass thanks. Why bash us for that? Don't bash your women either for finding travelled interesting foreign guys. Maybe just love them like crazy before we come along and win their hearts before they meet us. That's your best go. Whites are obviously no more superior to Asians. In a post sword-combat world, physical doesn't matter anymore, culture and hearts do. Hu Jintao can press the red button just as easy as Rumsfeld could.
White guys bashing on asians as if they can not get women, well, this is plain immature also and not true. It comes down to culture and like any, we all tend to stick to our own. This whole racist debate reminds me of when I was 10 years old and the big talk of the time was how 'wrong' it was for white women to go with black guys. Just substitute races here folks. I don't think it would be any more wrong for me to marry a black woman than for a black guy to marry a white one. I have had those kinds of thoughts about a black woman before, who cares what color, all colors are nice, if shes pretty and has a heart full of that forever love, I'll take one of those thanks.
Right now I hop and skip from one country to the next a bit, and I am trying hard to stay open to any woman from anywhere... I mean, ultimately, if she is loving, attractive, shares the same values, and loves me...well, I don't care where she's from, all I will care about is how do I make her happy.
Good luck to you all in love.
Mar 07, 2012 23:45 Report Abuse
Reasons Chinese women are FAR more attractive than western women.
1. They are FAR more traditional and family based. and cut it out with the Shanghai whores, of course in prostitution central they aren't so hot, this is the Nevada/Vegas of asia. But for the rest of China, and particularly the culture, Chinese women are FAR more traditional. This means, no divorce, love your man, GIVE TO HIM, wow, now there is statement that will make any western woman puke.
2. Chinese women ARE the epitome of feminine, they stay in great shape, eat healthy, excersize a lot, and they want to be beautiful FOR THEIR MAN. Find a woman like this in the west, and it's only for her, MEN.
3. Chinese women dote on their men, they are playful, fun, even tempered, rarely abusive, and if selfish its wanting more love from their man, not posessions and "lifestyle" a Chinese girl is more simple and easily pleased.
4. The FIRST EVER Chinese woman to be naked in film was just 3 years ago. Compare this with american slut culture and you'll just begin to start seeing the pile of differences.
5. Chinese women are not satisfied being fat size 14 cow-pigs. They aren't even satisfied being a size 8, and they certainly don't ever grow that scolding attitude western women have of "A REAL woman is a SIZE 14!!!" Only on a couch with a food addiction or sloth addiction in the USA folks. In Most of the 280 countries on earth you will never see one size 14.
6. In China, if a woman wants to be a cheap whore to get money, she can do it practically legally, anywhere, in the west this is much harder to do as its so strictly illegal, so western women so often resort to marriage fraud, hell there are even classes in San francisco "How to marry a millionaire" and "How to step ladder men all the way to riches" where they hard advocate never having less than 3 men going at once. This was even on TV, YEARS back. Chinese girls who are strictly against this kind of thing show it. In the west, you just never know, unless your in church.
7. Chinese women are not indoctrinated constantly by the Gods of America, "desperate housewives" and "sluts in the city" Chinese women dont continually in packs squeal with glee to their friends about who is cheating on who and what scandal is going on and who is destroying what other mans or woman's family as a pride mark of power. The US female culture is at a new low right beneath the place your turd sits in the toilet bowl. Where a Chinese girl is on the lap of her man squealing playfully about giving him love, western girls are squealing to their friends about who they have cheated with recently, who has bought them what, or how big the badass players arms are or tatoos are or how flash his car is or how pimp his house or ride is or how big of a slut she is.
8. There is no girls gone wild in China, no massive porn industry, a commitment to family with the one child policy causing people to not want to F it up.
9. Chinese girls are not spoiled brats, spoiled by the fat ugly feminazis on talk shows committed to indoctrinating women into "Independence only comes from not giving anything to your husband and dare you do, wow he is some kind of pig isn't he, how dare he want anything from you, who the hell is he anyway? Why, hes only your husband oh my God hes NO-ONE! tell him to get in his place and be sissified under your foot like Raymond!!!"
10. Look at online dating profiles, after my eyes being so sore from being bugged out by every single profile being either empty with a tits hanging out photo, or one filled with "you better have LOTS of tatts or power or super tall 5'11 MINIMUM, NICE CAR, GOOD JOB, LICENSE, financiall independent, Great looking, Perfect hair, dress nice!! as a pretty much minimum standard, vs the "I want a man with a good heart" seeming 90% of all Chinese profiles, well, there are many reasons for the patterns here
Bottom Line: Western men are sick and tired of western women. They are selfish beyond self-worship, arrogant, ungiving, completely unloyal now like dudes in skirts, just as non-committal unless your loaded or a pretty boy badass. They are bitchy, whiney, naggy, they use sex as an abusive weapon, are often filled with angry vengeance, filled with jealousy but cheat in a birds wingflap, have no integrity nor character whatsoever on the money front and every single guy I know over 32 has had his guts full, and is looking overseas for that traditional values girl, or he is in churches all over trying to meet one if he is Christian minded.
I think BEGINS to sum it up, well, maybe not quite.
Mar 07, 2012 20:39 Report Abuse
Now Chinese people have become more materialistic,Specially chinese girls.First of all,I wanna share my psychological idea with all the people reading this article.People get tired doing the same thing,eating the same thing,using the same thing.Its's a human psychology.Chinese girls have got tired having relation with chinese guys,so they want to change their taste.Other main consult is money,chinese girls like.Many foreigners come to china for different purposes and chinese people think all foreigners have big bucks.So thats why chinese girls a attracted to more foreign men.Last but not the least is Basic Human instinct; "a satisfied and joyful sex relations'.Chinese girls are attracted to foreigners also for sexual pleasure due to their good sexual skills that chinese guys cant provide them.
IF someone is disappointed from these comments of mine,I really appologise for that.It's my opinion and experience in china.It doesn't mean everybody will agree to my opinion.
Mar 15, 2012 20:59 Report Abuse
Wait a second, you are describing every single US female here, not just AF's. I really don't see the difference at all. This is US CULTURE your describing, and just an AF acting like all the US pig women out there. None of this is asian in description really in contrast to US culture that I see........where do you think she is getting this CRAP from? who is she emulating? TYPICAL US chick.
Mar 07, 2012 20:51 Report Abuse
My story is very similar to Ed's. I am married to a traditional Chinese lady and I am happier than I have been in over 15 years. I was once happy with a good woman in the US and she was a good mother. As far as comparing western women to Chinese women, there is good and bad in every culture as well as who is right or wrong for each of us as individuals. I tried dating in the US for 5 years but never felt any real connection with the ones I dated. The number of available, attractive, fit, non-alcoholic, non-drug using, non-smoking women that have an understanding of what keeps couples happy, were few. I guess all of the good women are either married or not attracted to me. I value the opinions of those here who have put their hearts on the line and are living their dream with their Chinese wives. So, if you haven't invested something in forming your opinion, don't even bother trying hurt my feelings. They are just fine and so are my wife's feelings.
Jan 10, 2012 06:40 Report Abuse
If western women would simply mind their own business, as their comments are typically motivated from jealousy that they cannot access similar opportunities. They cannot compete, so they throw verbal grenades and use shaming language. Chinese women are great! So happy to not have to date western women anymore.
Dec 31, 2011 22:44 Report Abuse
I had to laugh when I seen this article because I knew it would open a can of worms. What I can say is that everyone is right in pointing out what they know, I have lived here in china for nearly two years and I have seen many of what people are saying here. Yes I have dated a few Chinese females that are only interested in the money and a free ticket and I have dated a few Chinese females that have their values in the right way. I can see what people are saying and I congratulate all the people that have found what they have been looking for, why degrade these people for finding love with a foreigner. I know an old man who is with a woman younger than his daughter, I also know a Chinese woman that has married a foreigner for his money and a free ticket but that is what they want. One thing I do know and that is that most of the degrading comes from the people who are on the other side of the fence looking in saying things like “he is only with her because he couldn’t get anyone in his country” or “she is only with him because of his money”. In some small cases yes they are right but they are more wrong than they are right but it is so easy to look at some one and say those things when you know nothing about their relationship. I have spoken to many Chinese and foreign friends and I have heard many different answers from the size of his manhood to being more loving, faithful and caring in a relationship but it’s not just here as it is happening in other countries too. Just look around you it’s happening everywhere from Thailand to Philippines, from America to Russia and the internet is making it more possible. This is what these people want and why judge people for looking for what they want, are we so perfect that we have to judge other people on what they do?
Dec 13, 2011 20:34 Report Abuse
Remorhz, your comment is the most disgusting and insulting thing I have ever read. You are judging all by few. You are offending many women who do not act the way you describe. There are promiscuous women in the west but so are many in China too. The world is changing and young people somehow adopt the behavior and act very much the same no matter where they are. The sad thing is that women in the west undergo a lot of pressure to behave the way they do. Most of my friends would not go out with a girl who will not sleep with them; such a female is normally ridiculed. So the pressure is from us, from the men and then we criticize them. We tease and seduce them and expect them to be sexy, porn stars and pleasure us and they are desperate to maintain the relationship so they give in. No western woman wants to be a man, when she is in relationship she wants the same as a Chinese woman a future with this man. These things, the society, can’t be compared. Western women actually have it more difficult, pressure, abuse, judgement, expectation that she is independent, she is expected to work and pull her weight in a relationship just like a guy, but all in all she is a woman, and wants the same as a Chinese woman, security and a relationship and to be treated like a “fragile flower” LOL. We treat these Chinese women as if they were from a different planet, they are not, they know what they are doing, they are hunting for a husband to look after them, they speak softly but that is the language, and the language barrier, they can’t express themselves as well in English so they are shy about it and so it sounds softer. The weight issue, not all western women are big, I saw very few big people in Germany, Italy, France, Switzerland, Holland, Spain etc. There are more in North America, but the women are “forced “ to take contraceptives, to make things easier for their men, and these make you gain weight and there is the question of climate, and so much more, and the fact that there is no mama cooking you lunch and supper. Also who are we talking about; the 15 – 35 year old Chinese women? Are western women of the same age not gorgeous? The difference is most are independent, educated and would not go for a guy 10 + years older, only in Asia can this be a reality and that is why most older men come here and afford themselves a young girl as it would be impossible at home. It is a very broad and difficult topic overall.
Apr 29, 2013 07:38 Report Abuse
If everyone here (including the author) read the book 'The East, The West, And Sex: A History' by Historian and scholar Richard Bernstein, then all the reasons behind the east-west mutual fascination/hatred would be cleared up. There are myriad historical and cultural reasons behind the stigma contained in multi-racial relationships, and this book adeptly explains a good deal of them. I strongly advise you read it, if you want to have, at the very least, a rudimentary knowledge of the history behind the perverse sentiments that accompany colonialistic rule and the racial tensions that arise from it.
Jun 03, 2011 00:28 Report Abuse