I think we all know the feeling of wanting to shirk responsibility every now and then or dodge some unsavory event. Whether you're being called upon to complete an impossible task or your attitude meter is just cranked all the way up that day, we all have our moments. But while getting out of these things in your home country is one thing, doing so in China is another matter entirely. Chinese politics of excuse-making are a subtle art, and China has its own assorted set of cultural norms. Certain vocal techniques and signifiers convey implicit meanings that are immediately understood between parties. Other times, the vagueness of the gesture itself is an agreement—a tactful way to refuse a request while preserving an image of outward dignity and the all-important "face". I'll walk you through a few of the most commonly used verbal detours that I've witnessed from Chinese friends and colleagues, telling you what it is, where it's heard, and when you should use it. Remember, an excuse is sort of like a joke: it either lands or it doesn't. You've got to toe the line with a little caution and a whole heap of confidence.

Hemming and Hawing

1) What is it?
A bit of blustering and beating around the bush is a customary Chinese way of building up to negative news or demands. Some hemming and hawing is an expression of politeness that takes the edge off any bluntness, used as a way of softening demands instead of making outright commandments. For example, using the phrase "maybe" (in English) is a standard disclaimer in any situation where a Chinese person is speaking English with a foreigner. A boss might tell a confused foreign employee, "Maybe you will stay late tonight," where the "maybe" acts as an apologetic word. It can also become an excuse when it is tossed out repeatedly to stave off a straight answer: in China you can expect to hear a string of "maybes" that fall in your lap right up to important deadlines.

2) Where will you hear it?
Hemming and hawing doesn't pertain to, say, a restaurant owner firing off orders to his staff. But among friends and colleagues, it is a constant show of respect. Returning to my "maybe" example from above, I heard it all the time while teaching English at a Chinese middle school. "Your class time changed. Maybe you can wake up and come teach now." "Maybe you have to change your whole lesson for next period." "Maybe I will tell you when your vacation time is later." And although I appreciated the sign of respect, it was generally frustrating being on its receiving end. But I have to admit: when you need to stall for time by being deliberately ambiguous about something, "maybe" or some other form of hemming and hawing is an excellent way to do so.

3) When should you use it?
This one is up to you. It's generally harmless, but I'd recommend using it sparingly. If you're sincerely trying to get out of a responsibility, stick with the apology plus directness route. "Maybe", for example, inevitably sounds a little insincere and will wind up confusing and frustrating its recipient to no end.

Point and Grunt

1) What is it?
This is typically used to indicate indecisiveness, or is just a signal of laziness when someone doesn't want to take the time to respond. Basically, it's a dismissal – a means of not acknowledging someone directly. This is considered rude in most Western countries, but in China can be looked on as a form of saying "move on, I can't help you."

2) Where will you hear it?
In my experience, the devotees of this technique are taxi drivers and older men, but I've born witness to its use by almost everyone. For expats, the "point and grunt" often makes an appearance when asking for directions on the street. Rather than taking a moment to indicate the correct path, point-and-grunters will simply make a gruff incoherent rasp and shake their head towards a general area. Pressing the case will ensure you another few rounds of grunting and head-shaking.

3) When should you use it?
In most cases you shouldn't use it, as it's incredibly obnoxious. That being said, there are always exceptions. One time it is worth employing is when someone is bothering you, for example an overly aggressive salesperson. In such a case, it's perfectly acceptable to briefly dismiss them with a grunt and then ignore them. Otherwise, please be considerate and at least say "No thanks" before continuing on your way.

Filibuster

1) What is it?
While a blank stare could be considered the cousin of the "point and grunt", this is like its evil twin. In this method, someone repeats themselves over and over and in a successively louder voice. Essentially, it's a filibuster—a flood of words that blockade the other person's argument.

2) Where will you hear it?
I've seen a lot of couples punctuating their spats with rounds of higher, louder voices to prove their infallibility. After all, if you say it enough times, it must be true, right? I've also seen this used quite often in bargaining: the salesperson will repeat the price several dozen times while the consumer does the same. Eventually one person capitulates. This is a tried-and-true method of convincing someone by simply wearing them down.

3) When should you use it?
Depends. Consider your surroundings if you're thinking about breaking this one out, because it will inevitably take a toll on anyone around you. Good choices: in your home or while out bargaining. Bad choices: in crowded subway trains or restaurants.

Self-deprecation and flattery

1) What is it?
Aggressive self-deprecation and excessive flattery of others is not just a modern excusal method, but has long roots in Chinese culture. Boasting about oneself or one's family has historically been considered in poor taste, as it emphasizes individual fortune above the collective good of the people. There is also the old belief that boasting will catch the ears of mischievous demons who are always listening, and invite them to wreak havoc on your household. Better to play it safe by not flaunting one's own success: humbleness is a virtue in the Chinese family. On the flip side, overpraising your colleagues or your "betters" is a way of paying respects to them in a gesture of honor.

2) Where will you hear it?
If you're an English teacher in China, you can probably attest to hearing teachers and parents downplaying or even criticizing their children's intelligence and ability. Or if you've been invited to have a meal with a Chinese family, you've probably also heard the cook apologize that their mouthwatering dishes are not good enough for the guests. Both flattery and humility have the flexibility to be crafted into great excuses when needed; you can even pair them up together. If you're being roped into doing a difficult task, insist that you are not as smart and someone else is far more capable and experienced. Let's say you're being drafted into a talent show for which you have n­­othing to perform. Something along the lines of "I'm a terrible singer, I can't sing a note – but I've heard Tom is excellent, why don't you talk to him instead?" is helpful in lifting the burden from your shoulders.

When should you use it?
There's nothing wrong with using this one as you like. It's respectful and gives you an easy way of declining or withdrawing yourself from tasks you aren't up to doing.

(Blatant) Excuses

1) What is it?
These excuses are more direct and explicit than the previous variety of beat-around-the-bush techniques. Though more immediately recognizable as excuses, they are also generally accepted as such. These are specific lines that you can carry around with you and toss out when needed to get out of tricky situations or bad deals, as they hit right to the heart of the matter. Shaking out the line "But I'm just a poor student" is ideal for all sorts of bargaining. Breezily referencing your student status also helps to evade pushy vendors by pointing out that you are a poor target customer. Of course, a good salesperson will push back, but it's a good bet that they'll back off slightly. Another excuse, this one for escaping activities you'd rather take a pass on, is claiming that you have the dreaded laduzi—in polite terms, a weak stomach that comes from eating tainted food. While the term borders on the coarse, it's a believable excuse because foreigners and Chinese alike cross paths with the occasional bad batch of street food or uncooked meat, which a general audience can not only relate to but will sympathize with in kind.

In a similar activity-dodging vein, the "family" card is always a good one to play for those looking for an excuse to get out of entire events. As family is the foundational base of Chinese culture and filial piety its cornerstone, mentioning family visits will earn you an immediate shot of approval and understanding. Family trumps all, in other words, and visits from family members will always be understood to take precedence over everything else. Lastly, the laowai jiekou, or "foreigner excuse", stands for the little ways we can nudge our foreigner status towards working to our advantage. Mainly this involves feigning ignorance, whether cultural or linguistic, in order to dodge a rule.

2) Where will you hear it?
These examples are all very context-sensitive. "I'm just a poor student" is a common refrain of almost every young person who attempts to wheedle down a price tag while bargaining, whether in the Silk Street Market or one of the countless subway mall clothing shops. Laduzi can sometimes be heard when people want to avoid excessive ganbei-ing (downing one's liquor) while drinking. If you're stuck at a banquet where the baijiu is flowing a little too freely for your tastes, this is an excellent way to get out of knocking back too many cups. Prioritizing family visits or family matters is a customary way for many Chinese to politely excuse themselves from, say, a social gathering after work, or having to attend a colleague's weekend party. As for the laowai jiekou, most foreigners will admit to having used this on occasion. If an argument looks to be breaking out in front of you, it's easy to act like you don't understand what's going on and thus bypass any blame. If a rule seems terribly arbitrary and inconvenient, pretending that you don't understand the rules might relax them in your favor.

3) When should you use it?
Whenever! These are all fairly straightforward and easy to use. They're customary excuses for Chinese people to speak openly to others, so you shouldn't be afraid to do the same. The only one you really need to tread carefully with is the laowai jiekou, as you want to make sure you're not abusing it; you shouldn't take it to the point where you're getting away with things just because you're a foreigner. Save it for instances in which you would otherwise have been cheated or hurt.

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Keywords: Chinese refusals Chinese buck passing Chinese excuses Chinese dodge responsibility