Untold thousands of inches of internet forum and web page screen space have been expended on the subject of dating Asian women and the subject never seems to be abated thanks to it being incessantly fuelled by the sweaty (sometimes sticky) keyboard ramblings of yellow fever victims the world over. Rather than rehash the same old arguments surrounding this played out and sometimes thorny (some would say, horny) topic, I’ll be using one of the world’s lesser known superheroes, Charisma Man, to examine dating in China.

Charisma Man Original Strip #1

Rather than dive straight into the fray of China dating, dropping horror stories of lunatic Chinese girls bombarding their recently made former “better halves” with literally dozens of “I want you back” text messages in the space of half an hour; or the often schizophrenically oscillating, apartment door kicking/love letter writing/threatening to call the police messes of truly Trojan proportions familiar to those who have dated Chinese girls in China, I would like to begin by directly squaring the blame for train wreck-like, failed cross cultural relationship disasters at the “Charisma Man” phenomenon.

Charisma Man first appeared in a wonderfully fun and cruel cartoon strip featured in a Japanese expat magazine called The Alien. However, the main character of the strip is applicable to western guys all across Southeast Asia, and perhaps developing countries further a field. The main premise of the cartoon is that its protagonist, a slightly less than average Joe, finds the plane to Japan to be his very own Clark Kent phone booth – he steps off the plane in Japan transformed into (drum roll, please) Charisma Man.

Charisma Man has, as all self respecting super heroes should, a skill set of super powers which are uncannily related to his name. Charisma Man, as you may have guessed, is endowed with the power of outstanding charisma; or perhaps, a mere distortion of self image, which leads him to believe implicitly in his new popularity. The cartoon lampoons the false confidence imbued in expat males of all ages in Asia, and the attention lavished on them by local women who don’t know any better.

The one very human aspect of all superheroes is that none are infallible. All heroes have their archenemy and they all have their own weaknesses. For Charisma Man, these are rolled into one in the shape of Western Woman. In the presence of Western Woman, Charisma Man shrivels from his lantern jawed, muscular he-man like self, into the weedy, burger flipping nerd that he is in reality. In an early strip, despite being better qualified for the job, Western Woman is bested inexplicably by Charisma Man at an interview at an English language training school. From then on, she is determined to use her own super power (her ability to see through Charisma Man’s “charisma”) to exact her revenge.

The reality underlying the legend of Charisma Man is clear to be seen anywhere that expats are to be found in China, and I believe that there is a little bit of Charisma Man in all the foreign men who step off the plane and into this country. The Charisma Man phenomenon is manifest in a number of ways, the most obvious being his appeal, or perceived appeal, to the opposite sex; his, compared to local standards, high wages; and the preferential treatment often afforded to westerners in Southeast Asia. These all the result of two different factors: the first, described by strip creator, Larry Rodney, is a kind of “filter” through which Asian people often view westerners. This filter completely bypasses any consideration or awareness of “cool.” This explains, to a degree, the somewhat puke inducing sight of nerdy looking foreigners walking down Wangfujing, arm cockily draped over a jaw-droppingly beautiful Chinese girl.

Cool is something that was something important in the late sixties in western countries, when baby boomers were choosing between spending their money on Rolling Stones or Beatles record. In that era, young Chinese people were concerned with much more vital decisions and crises. In the west, cool has taken on an almost evolutionary importance in the mating game, thanks to accelerated pop culture. But in China, it is still a new game; practicalities such as careers and money take precedence over image. Secondly, there is the “western face at a premium” factor. Though decreasing in larger cities like Beijing and Shanghai as westerners become less of a novelty, in third tier cities, being a foreigner still almost certainly guarantees you at least a local television appearance.

Anybody that has been in China for a certain length of time will have heard or experienced the generalizations of the expat dating scene. These include men whose egos run wild when all the attention they receive goes to their head – they can be seen behaving badly in bar streets Monday through Sunday and nursing hangovers in offices and second rate language schools during the week. Another stereotype is that of the guy dating a Chinese lady who would be out of his league in his own country, he then finds that she is – after he takes her home, she gets her citizenship and then leaves the poor schmuck for a more suitable man. There are many other well known narratives.

There are also plenty of interracial dating success stories in China, and happy families as evidence of them. What can be learnt from Charisma Man is that it is easy to buy into your own hype when in a foreign country, and that keeping one’s ego in check can save you a lot of embarrassment in the long run.

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Related Links

Yellow Fever: Why Western Guys Date Chinese Girls
Money Honey: The Cost of Dating in China
How I Married My Security Guard

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