The following article is a translated excerpt from a blog written by an anonymous female Chinese netizen and posted on Tianya.cn. In her blog, the writer reflects upon different attitudes between Western and Chinese people, drawing on her own experiences with her foreign boyfriend. In this particular extract, she contemplates the different standards Westerners and Chinese people have for judging beauty and the ensuing cultural conflicts that arise.

Chinese people could hardly bear it when they heard that Lǚ Yan (吕燕) was voted as a "beauty in Westerners’ eyes." I showed a picture of Lǚ Yan to my grandmother and told her that Westerners think she is beautiful. My gran angrily replied, "They want Chinese people to be bad! They want Chinese people to be ugly! That’s why they say such things!"

Lǚ Yan, a beauty in Western eyes, is considered an "ugly duckling" in China. Photo: wodeyichu.com

Afterwards, I would often hear people saying that after a woman has passed 30, she is so ugly that nobody wants her. As a result, she weds a foreigner and is only then made feel treasured. Where do these myths come from? I have no idea.

Once, I played a game with my boyfriend; everyone had to say the name of a beautiful woman and then see how the other person feels about the choice.

I chose Audrey Hepburn and my boyfriend completely agreed. My boyfriend on the other hand, said Zhang Ziyi (章子怡). All I could say however was that I don’t like her very much but that she’s not ugly. Not sounding too surprised by my reply, my boyfriend said that lots of Chinese people don’t seem to like Zhang Ziyi, but that foreigners think she is quite pretty.

Westerners, especially Americans, quite like the curvy type of woman. Like Beyonce. But her legs are as thick as I don’t what! On the whole, foreigners have a more toned body type than Chinese, which is also the case for women. If foreign women were to get as slim as Asian women, then their chest measurements would also shrink significantly.

Women like Lucy Liu (刘玉玲) for example, with her "phoenix eyes", can easily pull in a foreigner. Lǚ Yan is a little too over the top. However, Lucy Liu isn’t actually Chinese – she just has a few ethnic Chinese features, that’s about it.

Ever since the first time my boyfriend laid eyes on me, he’s always been calling me "pretty". So much so in fact, that he’s made me wonder whether I’m ugly in Chinese people’s eyes. I have double eyelids and big eyes. I don’t have phoenix eyes. My boyfriend also always calls me slender. Note: he never uses the word "thin", because they think that’s not a good word. They compliment your figure by calling you slender, or directly telling you that your figure is perfect. Therefore, if you want to compliment a foreigner’s figure, don’t use the word "thin"! He/she will be very hurt if you do. Hahaha.

Whenever he speaks like this, a small window in my heart bangs shut.

Who talks like that? Does the school director discuss matters of the heart? I think listening to all those didactic talks since I was little have made me scared. What’s the point in two lovers expressing their feelings for each other so clearly? Some minor frictions can be solved quite easily: just say a few comforting words and the problem will pass.

But the boyfriend doesn’t see it that way. He said, "The problem isn’t going to resolve itself or just disappear. Maybe your mood will get better, but I still won’t know what exactly I did wrong. Is it really that hard to just lay the problems out on the table and talk about them?"

I’ve slowly gotten used to it now. He thinks it’s really difficult for him to speak to me using the same tone as a mother trying to comfort a child. After I told him that I understood these contradictions, he too corrected himself and the same problem never arose again.

I don’t think this method is better than coaxing a girl with sweet words, but we’re both always compromising and being tolerant of each other.

Source: Tianya.cn

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Keywords: chinese blogger foreign beauty attitudes attitudes toward beauty east west Chinese attitudes towards beauty