Every little girl, no matter where she comes from, dreams of her wedding day. The day when she will get to wear a white dress, have everyone dote on her and kiss the man of her dreams for the first time as a married couple. It’s just that not every girl is in a rush to get there.

While the legal age to marry for a Chinese woman is 20 years old (22 for men), many women say that they should be married by the time they’re 30 or else they’re no longer desirable. For a country that is progressing economically and embracing other cultural standards, the outdated idea that a women must be married by certain age is still commonly accepted, but mostly by older generations. So what are the pressures to get married and why are a growing number of women ignoring social standards and holding off on their wedding day?

Even though dating in China has its differences, the motivation and pressures China’s young women feel to hurry up and get married can be relatable. Parents want their daughters to be taken care of – they don’t want them ending up an “old maid” or “spinster.” Grandparents are ready for another “little emperor.” They even feel pressure from friends, colleagues and classmates in a race for marriage and security. In fact, many of the pressures young Chinese women face to get married are similar to that of women in Western countries. However, there are some major differences that could be factoring in why a growing number of women are holding off on tying the knot so quickly.

Many families in China all live together – mom, dad, son, wife and sometimes even the in-laws. With aging parents comes the responsibility to care for them and it is usually the daughter who takes on that role. While the husband provides financially for the family, in more traditional settings, particularly in more rural areas, the wife takes care of those at home. With these kinds of traditions, it’s not difficult to see why women may not want to immediately sign up for this role. While the importance of the family unit is also important to them, adding two more people to care for is no small task.

In more modern cities, some women avoid marriage to focus on their careers, still a very untraditional idea in China. With growing opportunities in first- and second-tier cities in China, the idea to “get married and make babies” is challenged with the capitalist “make money” mantra. Another factor that darkens the sparkly life of marriage is the climbing divorce rate in China. With many love-struck couples rushing to the alter only to find Mr. Right was really Mr. Right-Now, it can be an eye-opener for young Chinese women (and men) to not give in to the wishes of parents and grandparents by marrying too soon.

A close friend, a 26 year-old who has spent the last three years earning a master’s degree in Europe, shared her feelings on returning back to China and being single. After attending a few family members’ and close friends’ weddings, she says she’s definitely begun feeling the pressure to find a boyfriend and get married. But when comparing her life to that in Europe, she notes that they’re not as quick to get married, “so why should I?” Another 27-year-old Chinese woman, who is college educated, skilled musically, speaks English with relative fluency and is even a yoga instructor, said her parents constantly ask her about her dating life. Being from a smaller city in Anhui Province, she explained that the traditional Chinese man wants to marry a woman younger than 30 and that once she passed that age, she would no longer be as attractive to a Chinese suitor. But after a few failed relationships and some botched match-making she’s decided she’s not in a rush to get married.

Despite the race for a wedding in China, there does seem to be a more modern breed of Chinese young women emerging; one that rejects her family’s rush to get her to the altar. With all the pressures of getting married in China, it’s no wonder why these women are waiting a few more years to get married, and instead enjoying young adult life and waiting until she – not her family – is ready.

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Related Links

How to Get Married in China
How to: Attend a Chinese Wedding
The Unmarried Millions: China's Trend in Dating Older Women
 

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