The Power Shift - What do (Chinese) Women Want?

The Power Shift - What do (Chinese) Women Want?
Apr 12, 2012 By Caitlin Dwyer , eChinacities.com


My turn to choose!
Photo: laowaiblog.com

The stereotype goes that a Chinese woman wants to marry into money. Love is only one consideration; potential partners must also display earning capacity, professional stability and the willingness to lavish expensive gifts. But does this stereotype hold true of today's modern Chinese women? In looking for love, what do women require of their mates – and why?

The gender ratio in China has altered the dating scene. Currently, there are about 118 men for every 100 women – a gap that doesn't seem likely to close soon. Suddenly a limited commodity, women can afford to be pickier with matchmaking. Encouraged by previous generations and national economic growth, many have sought higher education. This puts them in a position to control more of China's social mores.

From dowries to prenups, finances are considered an important factor in relationships all around the world, and China is no exception. Today's Chinese women are certainly interested in marrying well – but they are also seeking an equal. For the first time, women are playing a role in China's burgeoning economy. Their desire to participate fully in the economic benefits of China's boom may have an immense effect on how, who, and when they choose to marry.

It's all about the money

The stereotype of a woman marrying for money does hold some truth. Many women embrace the economic benefits of a marriage. A survey by the All-China Women's Federation found that 70% of Chinese women want a husband who owns a house, and almost 50% of women think economic power is the most important factor in a marriage.

The popular game show "If You Are the One" caused a sensation in China for its stress on material wealth. The matchmaking show came under scrutiny because its contestants were overly materialistic. Bragging about their incomes, contestants repeatedly refused to consider matches who were not financially flush. One young woman, when offered a romantic bicycle ride, said that she would rather cry in a BMW. The show brought to national focus the relationship between money and marriage.

A recent New York Times article stressed the importance of owning property for single men. As housing prices have risen in recent years, fewer and fewer young people own property. The article suggests that landless singles may have difficulty finding a mate. The implication is that women screen a potential partner not by mutual interest or character, but by the number of deeds in his name. While this may seem callous, there is a cultural underpinning for such behaviour.

The expectation that a man will bring financial security is not a new one in China. Traditionally, when a woman marries, she enters into the man's family. Because she leaves behind her familial ties, giving herself over to a new life, she expects to be cared for – and it becomes the husband's responsibility to support his family. This responsibility, called zhaogu (照顾), entails a man protecting and providing for his partner. The cultural expectation lingers even as family roles shift in the modern economy.

The economic boom has exacerbated this material aspect of marriage. The trappings of wealth – a car, a nice phone, a Louis Vuitton bag – convey more than just money. They convey social status, the ability to navigate successfully in China's new economy. A partner who provides financially does more than simply buy his wife a house; he secures her a social position, a role in the dynamic drama that is new China.

It's also important to note that the Chinese middle class is a relatively new phenomenon. While Westerners might discount financial considerations in a marriage, many haven't experienced rural poverty. For the first generation of Chinese who can afford iPhones and Adidas, money represents more than mere luxury; it is security, a way to distance themselves from the poverty experienced by previous generations.

But to say that China's women only seek financial security in a match is to provide an incomplete picture. Women have many reasons to marry or not marry. As it happens, a growing number of Chinese women are choosing the latter – and it isn't necessarily because of money.

China's educated women

Many Chinese women are receiving a higher education and entering the workforce. Success changes their marriage criteria; they want a partner who matches them intellectually and financially. Unfortunately, many women encounter resistance to their success.

The word shengnv(剩女) refers to an unmarried woman in her late twenties or older. The word means "leftover women," and more and more it is applied to a particular class of women: highly educated professionals. The Economist reports that Asian women are avoiding marriage in greater numbers than ever before.

Traditionally, because they themselves could not work outside the home or contribute to earnings, women have sought to marry into successful families. But now, more women have climbed to the top of China's pyramid: they have advanced degrees and run businesses. These women are no longer seeking to marry up; they want partners of equal stature.

But educated women have difficulty finding a partner. China Daily reported a story of a young woman whose fiancé dumped her after she obtained her master's degree. Her success threatened the traditional zhaogu paradigm. About 50% of Beijing women making a university-educated salary (5,000-15,000 RMB/month) are not married, according to the Economist. Traditionally, women are expected to stay at home and raise children after marriage; this forces a choice between work and home. Rather than face this choice, educated women are simply not marrying.

If men still want to play out the zhaogu relationship, educated women increasingly seem wary of it. Educated women often remain single later in China.  This implies that these women have not found mates who will respect their desire to continue working. Educated women don't want to give up their places in the growing economy. A new marriage criterion is emerging for this particular class of Chinese women: a man who will treat them as financial partners, not dependents.

Beyond money

Middle and upper-class women increasingly no longer view marriage as a financial necessity. Over 50% of unmarried, university-educated women in Beijing said "they did not need to be [married], because they were financially independent," the Economist reports. Financial independence opens up the possibility of other dating criteria: hobbies, looks and even love. When they can afford to be picky, fewer women are eager to enter into a marriage of security.

At a dating party for wealthy Chinese, China Daily reported on one young woman's criteria for a mate. Rather than checking a date's bank account, the woman saw money as "insignificant." She had her own wealth; instead, she simply wanted "a high quality gentleman."

A new paradigm

Like most people around the world, Chinese women do want financial security. But increasingly, they don't always want it exclusively through marriage. Money continues to be an important marriage consideration for many Chinese women. However, the educated classes of women are seeking a partner who can match their income and education level, rather than act as provider. For iPhone-toting, LV-bag-carrying, martini-sipping, financially secure ladies, other considerations are beginning to creep into the marriage equation: questions of compatibility and taste, education and comportment. With so many men and so few women in China, bachelors may find themselves taking note of this subtly shifting paradigm.
 

Related links
Over 40% of Chinese Women Fret Over Not Being Able to Marry
Dreading Your Wedding: Chinese Women and the Pressure to Marry
4 Traits amongst Young Chinese Couples that Lead to Divorce

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Keywords: Chinese women social mobility what Chinese women look for love and money in Chinese couples marriage in China effects of economic boom China

9 Comments

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warrigal

I enjoyed the article, thanks; it provided some interesting insights.

Apr 22, 2012 14:38 Report Abuse

missy

Remember the good old days... the ones way back when they had what was called arranged marriages? As a woman in the 21st century, I'd rather be subjected to that then choose a person I love. Love blinds, love hurts, love is fake as ..... So men, if my parents would not tolerate or choose you, then you are bad for me. Simple enough. Love is nice for men... especially ones who don't have anything else to give.

Apr 13, 2012 02:13 Report Abuse

missy

Oh, you're right! I forgot I'm marrying a guy for his dick size. Hmm in that case I should choose an African or Latin American guy. Thanks so much for reminding me.
Hmm, funny thing about people with money... generally points to a clever person with good business sense and a decent education.
Why the hell would any woman want that?

Apr 15, 2012 15:32 Report Abuse

James

Wow! As a man I have to say I prefer equality in a relationship. I'd be delighted that an attractive well educated woman wanted to share the whole journey. I'm sure she would want him to be attractive to her too. Falling in love with each other would paramount though. No love! No marriage! Money or success never saved the heart of any marriage - it often threatened it and it's also an unstable commodity to rely on. But real love in truth and genuine committment to each other along with a mutual aspiration for success can and does withstand storms and the elements of change. Being single can be lonely. It sucks. But it's still better than being in a very unequal and loveless miserable marriage.

Apr 12, 2012 23:00 Report Abuse

Perception

There's an apologetic tone through out the column,trying to justify the fact that women want somebody who is financially and academically their equal.Why not just settle for somebody they love and enjoy this equality on the field of love,not through artificial barriers?

Apr 12, 2012 18:44 Report Abuse

LAR

WRONG! Love is REAL, and it takes dedication,compromise and work to maintain it because it is so FRAGILE. The sooner that you realize that, the better off YOU will be! Why don't you grow up and drop your ghettospeak? :(

Mar 10, 2013 10:32 Report Abuse

LAR

"Well,........grad!!!" Typical S****d and arrogant comment! :(

Mar 10, 2013 10:35 Report Abuse

LAR

"u blah blah bla blah blah blah blah..........yawn! bleh......dat." How ridiculous!!!!!!!! :) Ha Ha Ha!!!!!! ^^ LMAO!!!!

Mar 10, 2013 10:38 Report Abuse

LAR

"Exactly!!!" Exactly not!!!

Mar 10, 2013 10:40 Report Abuse