Double Trouble: 2 Daughters, A Common Chinese Tale

Double Trouble: 2 Daughters, A Common Chinese Tale
Oct 08, 2009 By Sarah Meik , eChinacities.com

Most Chinese families have one child. Except when that one child is a girl. Then sometimes they try to have a son. But then sometimes the second one is a girl too.


Photo: marclandavis

That's what happened to my friend's parents. She was eleven when her little sister was born. When her parents found out number two was a girl, they were, "very disappointed." But despite this disappointment they still loved her. The older sister even had to learn to become the second most important child in the house – sharing toys, clothes and food with her sweet mei mei.

She and her sister also fit right in her rural village, as many other families found themselves in the same situation, first having a girl, and then trying a second time for a son. In her village, there are even people with 3 children. "Everybody knows why there are 3 children," says Michelle. "They wanted a boy, but they kept having girls."

Rolling the dice on childbirth isn't cheap either. Every child after the first one has to be welcomed into the world with a little "black money," or money to local officials to overlook the extra family members. "Some parents have to pay a lot of money," said Michelle.

I have another friend who grew up in a city of about 2 million people, and she also has a little sister, but she says her family was an unusual case. She didn't really like being different. "I was embarrassed by my family," says Maggie, "nobody else had a little sister".

She was only three years old when her parents gambled on a second child, and had a little girl. And because these sisters are close in age, they grew up arguing with each other and fighting over things, while other kids in the neighborhood enjoyed a life of luxurious single-child hood.

"Now I love my sister, but when we were young we would always fight," she says. "But, now I'm glad I have a sister. If something happens to me, she can take care of my parents," she says. I asked if her parents had any way of knowing whether or not their second baby was going to be a girl, but my friends reminded me that learning the sex of the baby is forbidden. They say there's no way their parents could've known, and anyway, in the countryside the technology didn't even exist. But they tell me that people believe there are other ways of predicting the gender of a foetus, "If the woman's belly is pointed at the top, she will have a boy. If it is rounded, it is a girl," my friend tells me. (It's funny, my kooky American mother says the same thing.)


Photo: RightIndex

I then ask what it's like to get an abortion if a woman becomes pregnant with another child. Do women cry about it, talk about it, or do they even care? My city friend says she doesn't really know because people wouldn't talk about it. It's just something a woman has to do.

My friend from "the sticks" says that when she was a baby, there was no way to get an abortion in the village. Women just had to give life to their children, so they had to be careful to never become pregnant. Now, although it's easier to get an abortion in rural areas, she still must be very careful to never become pregnant. She is a married woman with a son, yet each month she must go to the doctor to make sure she isn't pregnant. She carries around a little green booklet to record every successful visit.

Right now she doesn't mind it, because she has a beautiful son. And this grandson has brought lots of happiness to her sonless parents, and has even made her special in the eyes of her in-laws. "My father in-law never drinks beer," she says, "but when I had a son, he drank so much he fell down!"

I then ask my friends if they would ever want to have two children. They say that decision ultimately comes down to money. "If I have more money, I would like to have another baby, " says Michelle, "but I must have the money for it!" I ask if she wants a boy or a girl. "I want a little girl next time. I want to prove that girls can be even better than boys."
 

Related Links
Should China Adopt Shanghai's Two-Child Policy?
More Kids, More Careers: Relax the One-child Policy?

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2 Comments

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xerxes

i wish chinese people have the religion it would be more easy to make them understand and believe something. but anyway its part of life and everything...........
but the embrological concept to this issue is that men is responsible for different sexes of gender of their babies. women has nothing to do in it. if X sperm succeed with X of the mother than it will be a girl and if Y succeeds than it will be a boy... so the men needs to be healthy enough to inculate.

Jul 11, 2011 07:40 Report Abuse

fritz

Try to download ... China`s lost girls.... this makes one think and even makes you cry

Jul 09, 2011 05:23 Report Abuse